Online Dating for Toddlers

16 Sep

Ah the joys and pleasures of being single at 37.  What happened to the good old says when one would go out to the bars, meet some cute boy, flirt all night, get hammered, and go home to make some bad decisions?  Then wake up the next morning next to someone you vaguely recognize as you rack your brain trying to remember the dudes name and wondering why you’re asshole is bleeding*.  Man, I miss those days.

Now it’s all online dating and blind dates.  Two things which are equally horrible.  I’ve taken my profile off of most dating websites, but do keep one up on a free website mainly for entertainment purposes.  It’s interesting to see the riff raff I seem to attract – dudes I would never give the time of day to and who don’t bother to read my profile.  Apparently the whole line where I say that I’m only interested in men 34-42 is complete ignored by those under 30 and over 50.

Last night at about 9:30 I got a message from an 18 year old.  An 18 year old.  Again, an 18 year old.  He writes, and I quote, “how u doin beautiful :)” (no punctuation at all).

Seriously, dude?  What part of my profile makes you think I would be remotely interested in an 18 year old.  I take a looky loo at his profile and he talks about his cool digs in his parent’s basement and how he’s looking forward to graduating from High School.

So I decide to respond.

“I’m old enough to be your mother.  Don’t you think it’s way past your bedtime?”



*Totally for effect, that never happened!  At least not to me.

9 Responses to “Online Dating for Toddlers”

  1. MyDatingHangovers September 16, 2011 at 11:41 am #

    I can probably guess what that free entertainment site is because I’m probably on the same one and yes- purely for shits and giggles because the men AND women are either illiterate or plain retarded!

    Heck no they don’t pay attention to what your profile says and you can tell not only by the ones who contact you outside of your preferences and by the dumb questions they ask which can be found in the first line of your profile.


    I totally feel you when asking about the good old days of dating. You can’t even go to a bar nowadays and make eye contact with anyone because most have their damn phones glued to their fingers texting, updating Facebook statuses OR responding to online dating account email!!

  2. Clicking Frogs September 16, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

    Oh I hope he responds. Although he may ask you to head over to his parent’s basement and tuck him in.

  3. The T September 16, 2011 at 2:50 pm #

    OMG you had me laughing from the start of this… i so remember 37…all of the bad mistakes i made along the way? nope rarily, if ever do i remember those…nor do i want to… loving life one 20-something at a time…lol…


  4. September 18, 2011 at 2:21 am #

    well… Am 28 years old.
    Get interest?

  5. Angela September 20, 2011 at 3:18 am #

    I had the same experience with online dating. I had something like 29 – 38 on my profile, and heard from college students and men over 40 – as well as two 52 year-olds who seemed to think that I would be theirs, for some reason. Plus the 18 year old who wanted me to be his Mrs. Robinson. I told him to work as hard outside of the bedroom, as he planned to in one, because life goes faster than you think it will. I sounded like a mother, too.

  6. Susie September 20, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

    please please please…..if this dude responds, you need to respond with a permission slip, parent signature included.

  7. Lady Who Doesn't Lunch September 21, 2011 at 11:35 pm #

    at least he had a nice smile?

  8. ShoeGal September 22, 2011 at 7:57 pm #

    Too funny. You brighten my day. That is all.

  9. Deaf singles September 23, 2011 at 12:48 am #

    I’m not sure whether to feel sorry for him for being so clueless or to just mourn the state of today’s youth in general. Are you sure you’re not interested? He probably does have a lot of stamina. Of course, that’s about ALL he’s got…

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