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Online Dating for Toddlers

16 Sep

Ah the joys and pleasures of being single at 37.  What happened to the good old says when one would go out to the bars, meet some cute boy, flirt all night, get hammered, and go home to make some bad decisions?  Then wake up the next morning next to someone you vaguely recognize as you rack your brain trying to remember the dudes name and wondering why you’re asshole is bleeding*.  Man, I miss those days.

Now it’s all online dating and blind dates.  Two things which are equally horrible.  I’ve taken my profile off of most dating websites, but do keep one up on a free website mainly for entertainment purposes.  It’s interesting to see the riff raff I seem to attract – dudes I would never give the time of day to and who don’t bother to read my profile.  Apparently the whole line where I say that I’m only interested in men 34-42 is complete ignored by those under 30 and over 50.

Last night at about 9:30 I got a message from an 18 year old.  An 18 year old.  Again, an 18 year old.  He writes, and I quote, “how u doin beautiful :)” (no punctuation at all).

Seriously, dude?  What part of my profile makes you think I would be remotely interested in an 18 year old.  I take a looky loo at his profile and he talks about his cool digs in his parent’s basement and how he’s looking forward to graduating from High School.

So I decide to respond.

“I’m old enough to be your mother.  Don’t you think it’s way past your bedtime?”

 

 

*Totally for effect, that never happened!  At least not to me.