Archive | 2:54 pm

Further Proof I’m a Dirty Mexican

17 Aug

When I wash my hair I expect it to come out cleaner than when I started.  Lord only knows what the fuck kind of shit they’ve put in the shampoo I used this morning because I stepped out of the shower looking like I hadn’t washed my hair in freaking days.

My hair is a greasy ass mess.  I think I would have gotten it cleaner if I had dumped a bottle of canola oil on my head.  Sure it’s not all frizzy right now, but that can be attributed to the fact that every single strand of my hair is literally sticking to my head in one greasy lump. And to make matters worse, my scalp is peeling from my stupid vacation two weeks ago.  So to sum it up, I have greasy hair covered with little flakes all over it.  It looks like I encountered some snowflakes or something.  Not a good look.

Fuck you, Head and Shoulders for dry scalp.

My Mother Wants Me to Smack Her

17 Aug

Working remotely has it’s perks – like staying in your pajamas all day and not having to shower.  Or watching repeats of Toddlers & Tiaras on mute during a conference call.  Even napping for 30 minutes when you’re supposed to be doing research.  Technically, I was doing research.  I was trying to determine if napping would make me more creative – it did not.

There are also plenty of pitfalls when working from home.  Yesterday I got stuck watching Lucy(fer) and Damien for a few hours.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to take a conference call when someone is demanding juice and the other one wants you to play puppies with her?  It’s god awful.

Today, however, takes the cake.  I was leaving a voicemail for the head of my division.  That’s my boss’s boss’s boss, who is just two steps away from the head dude at Widgets & Co.  As I’m nearing the end of my very professional voicemail message my mom walks in the room and starts yelling, “blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!”  I start shooing her away from my hand, but that only makes her more persistent.  She took two steps closer to me and screams into the phone in a mocking tone, “my name is Catherinette and I like to pretend I’m busy and important!”

I can only imagine what the hell this senior executive will think when she picks up her messages.  God help me.

Perhaps I should send an email to my boss’s boss’s boss and tell her I was visiting my mother in a home for the mentally disturbed.