If mocking were an Olympic sport, I would take the Gold medal for the U.S. You know you have to have mad skills when you are sitting in a hospital waiting room and you can find something to judge…
This morning my brother-in-law had his bypass. He did great, and I’m happy, and I know you’re glad, but we’re not going to talk about that. No, not at all. Instead, we’ll discuss the wonderful people with whom we shared the waiting room. First of all, you need to know we were at Johns Hopkins. While Hopkins is arguably one of the top hospitals in the country, it’s no secret that it’s situated deep in the ghetto. There are some really freaky ass people wandering around. As a matter of fact, the people working in the cafeteria look like they’re straight out of HBO’s “The Wire”. I don’t do drugs, but I was tempted to walk up to one of the cafeteria workers and ask them if they could help me find Stringer Bell.
It’s no wonder we ended up hanging out with some interesting characters. These folks were straight out of the trailer park. Five women and a 16 year old boy were waiting around for someone to come out of surgery. Did they care that the hospital rules stated there could only be three people representing the patient? No, they did not. How do I know? Because they were blabbing about it in the room. Not one, but TWO of them sported jorts (jean shorts) with crocks. The super fat girl must have given up on life because she was still wearing her pajamas. Had it been an emergency one could understand the appearance of pajamas in the waiting room – she made it clear it wasn’t the case.
In the two plus hours we were all together we heard all sorts of GREAT stories! Like how poor Carlos had been arrested for violating his parole. They were worried about how Doreen would be able to support the little ones. And then we heard about how Joe Jr. would soon be appearing in court for various traffic violations and might end up in jail. Oh, and he also had done God knows what in an nearby county and had to appear in traffic court as well. Then there was Lamont. Poor stupid Lamont who had been arrested for robbery. Not good. Lamont had only been out of jail for three months and it’s clear he’ll be headed back there soon. By the way, Lamont has 16 brothers and sisters – all from different dads. He has nine children of his own. The baby mama’s weren’t happy that he was going to be heading back to the slammer. Especially the one with the drug habit.
I swear to God it was like we were sitting next to an episode of Jerry Springer. Can’t wait to see who we get to hang out with tomorrow!