It’s Cinco de Mayo, Bitches

5 May

Yeah, yeah, it’s totally a stereotype that my people celebrate today as a major holiday.  Guess what?  We totally don’t.  Today is like any other day in Mexico.

But guess what?  I live in the United States where today is totally a fake holiday and an excuse to drink – and you know how I feel about the booze.  I likey.  Guess what I had for dinner?  Two margaritas!  For an appetizer I happened to have a margarita.  And for dessert?  One more margarita?  Am I drunk?  Yeah, I’d say that I totally am.

And guess what else?  Some stupid skank whore bitch stole my sombrero today.  I cajoled the waitress into getting us some sombreros today.  She liked that I asked in Spanish so she found us the last two.  Then some stupid ass whore literally ran up behind me, grabbed it off my head and then took off.  My 25 year old dude friend – who is of course cute and also engaged – took off after her to try to get it back.  Her boyfriend wanted to fight him so he backed off.

Instead we stayed and finished our margaritas.

So I’m home now and sans hat.  Guess who called me to tell me he thought I was beautiful?

Yeah, that’s right, the 25 year old.  And I quote from his text messages this evening:

You’re incredibly beautiful and you’re really cool..if I were single, we’d be together.

Um, yeah.  Where are the single dudes when I need them?  Most importantly, does his FUTURE WIFE know he sent me that??

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3 Responses to “It’s Cinco de Mayo, Bitches”

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty May 5, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

    dammit all. awesome how all the ‘taken’ ones can be all sweet and attentive but the ones we like? hell no!

    glad you had fun tonight and sorry about the stupid whore who stole your sombrero.

    on and regardless of the ‘taken’ factor, what an awesome text to get!!

  2. Hookdntx May 6, 2011 at 7:48 am #

    Um I have a new song for you…

    Cougar, cougar in a cage, My! those boys look under age!

    Stay away from the young ones, they are trouble.

  3. DontBmistaken May 6, 2011 at 9:17 pm #

    Why are men such ass-wipes???

    Always testing the limits to see if a single chick will give’em some. So…erm… are you?

    Just kidding. Totally inapropriate. lol

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