Sometimes Moms Suck

24 Apr

It’s been almost a year since I packed up and moved from Baltimore to Philly.  So far, so good – oh, aside from that whole no-man-to-be-found thing.  That part sucks.  But it’s not like I was surrounded by men when I was in Baltimore.  At least I can enjoy some new sights here and I have a bevy of new restaurants to choose from.  That’s awesome, right?

Here’s the problem: since there are no men to be found I go out to eat, and that makes me fat, and that makes me undesirable to the opposite sex and that makes the men stay away from me, so instead I eat.  It’s hard to get catch a man’s eye when he’s too busy staring at your fat gut.  Trust me, I know this from experience.

I have to admit I didn’t feel quite as lousy as I did this afternoon when I was sitting on my mom’s couch.  I showed her a picture of me from October and this is the conversation which ensued:

  • Mom: When was this picture taken?
  • Me: In October, around Halloween.
  • Mom: Hmm.
  • Me:  What?
  • Mom: Nothing.  It’s just that you were very skinny then.
  • Me: No I wasn’t.  It’s not like I’ve gained that much weight.
  • Mom: Yes you have.
  • Me: Excuse me?
  • Mom: You’ve gained a lot of weight since this picture was taken.  How much?  Like 20 pounds?
  • Me:  WHAT?
  • Mom: Why are you gaining so much weight?
  • Me.  Mom!
  • Mom: You’re never going to find a man if you keep gaining weight.

So thanks, mom, for that wonderful vote of confidence.

7 Responses to “Sometimes Moms Suck”

  1. Pkitass April 25, 2011 at 2:28 am #

    It must be a hispanic mom thing. My mom tells me the exact same thing every time she visits.

  2. mairedubhtx April 25, 2011 at 6:47 am #

    My mom once told me that I had a big ass. I told her that wasn’t nice; how would she feel if her mother had said that. She told me that her mother WOULD have said that. Guess it runs in the family. I won’t tell my daughter she has a fat ass, but she does.

  3. jon April 25, 2011 at 2:25 pm #

    An ounce of mother is sometimes worth a pound of mac & cheese.

  4. jendy April 25, 2011 at 6:40 pm #

    i’d rather get a fat ass comment from my mom than her normal guilt trips. it’s like she went to school to learn how to be an effective guilt tripper. moms…

  5. jendy April 25, 2011 at 6:41 pm #

    …not that the fat ass thing is any better. i just get a different kind of emotional abuse. haha.

  6. Foxy April 26, 2011 at 4:51 am #

    Here’s your response to comments like this when she makes them: “Well, at least I still get my period.”

    Yeah! Suck it mom!

  7. jana May 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm #

    i have been having the SAME problem. i’m reading ‘women, food & god,’ which apparently will help me fix the very vicious cycle of feelings/eating/feelings/eating/etc.. you should check it out too! 🙂

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