Sometimes Moms Suck

24 Apr

It’s been almost a year since I packed up and moved from Baltimore to Philly.  So far, so good – oh, aside from that whole no-man-to-be-found thing.  That part sucks.  But it’s not like I was surrounded by men when I was in Baltimore.  At least I can enjoy some new sights here and I have a bevy of new restaurants to choose from.  That’s awesome, right?

Here’s the problem: since there are no men to be found I go out to eat, and that makes me fat, and that makes me undesirable to the opposite sex and that makes the men stay away from me, so instead I eat.  It’s hard to get catch a man’s eye when he’s too busy staring at your fat gut.  Trust me, I know this from experience.

I have to admit I didn’t feel quite as lousy as I did this afternoon when I was sitting on my mom’s couch.  I showed her a picture of me from October and this is the conversation which ensued:

  • Mom: When was this picture taken?
  • Me: In October, around Halloween.
  • Mom: Hmm.
  • Me:  What?
  • Mom: Nothing.  It’s just that you were very skinny then.
  • Me: No I wasn’t.  It’s not like I’ve gained that much weight.
  • Mom: Yes you have.
  • Me: Excuse me?
  • Mom: You’ve gained a lot of weight since this picture was taken.  How much?  Like 20 pounds?
  • Me:  WHAT?
  • Mom: Why are you gaining so much weight?
  • Me.  Mom!
  • Mom: You’re never going to find a man if you keep gaining weight.

So thanks, mom, for that wonderful vote of confidence.

7 Responses to “Sometimes Moms Suck”

  1. Pkitass at 2:28 am #

    Lol!!
    It must be a hispanic mom thing. My mom tells me the exact same thing every time she visits.

  2. mairedubhtx at 6:47 am #

    My mom once told me that I had a big ass. I told her that wasn’t nice; how would she feel if her mother had said that. She told me that her mother WOULD have said that. Guess it runs in the family. I won’t tell my daughter she has a fat ass, but she does.

  3. jon at 2:25 pm #

    An ounce of mother is sometimes worth a pound of mac & cheese.

  4. jendy at 6:40 pm #

    i’d rather get a fat ass comment from my mom than her normal guilt trips. it’s like she went to school to learn how to be an effective guilt tripper. moms…

  5. jendy at 6:41 pm #

    …not that the fat ass thing is any better. i just get a different kind of emotional abuse. haha.

  6. Foxy at 4:51 am #

    Here’s your response to comments like this when she makes them: “Well, at least I still get my period.”

    Yeah! Suck it mom!

  7. jana at 8:17 pm #

    i have been having the SAME problem. i’m reading ‘women, food & god,’ which apparently will help me fix the very vicious cycle of feelings/eating/feelings/eating/etc.. you should check it out too! 🙂

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