Archive | 8:53 pm

Not Your Typical Saturday Breakfast

10 Apr

Saturday morning my friends and I rolled into a seedy ass bar for a special event they were sponsoring: Porn n Pancakes.  Picture this: porn on every single bar TV plus all the pancakes you can eat.  Oh, and let’s not forget the beer – lots and lots of it.  Nothing like watching a little some terrible acting and nubile bodies prouncing around the screen.  They had trivia and giveaways, and yours truly walked away with three movies.  Exciting, I know!  Talk about winning!  This is they type of thing Charlie Sheen could wrap his arms around.

Let’s not forget all the movies they were playing.  There was shark porn (you read that right), amputee porn (awful), regular stuff, and then there was a very disturbing movie about a gangbang.

Everyone chuckled when they threw in a move which happened to have DP (double penetrations for those of you not in the know).  We all squealed in disgust as one dude’s ball sack was hitting the other dude’s while they were nailing the chick at the same time.  There was random commentary during one of the 80’s porns when a dude who looked exactly like Aresenio Hall entered the scene.  Man, those sweater vests were something fierce!

The day was pretty fun up until the gangbang movie was put on.  Swear to god it gave me nightmares last night.  The premise was these two young women get a flat tire and go to a mechanic’s shop to get it fixed.  You’ll be shocked to hear they didn’t have any money so they worked out another way to pay.  Suddenly about 12 dudes roll in and mayhem ensues.  It was gross.  I started wondering who these poor girls were and what on earth must have happened in their lives to lead them to that moment.  I don’t care what anyone says, there isn’t a single sane person in this world who would WANT to have two dicks in her vag, one in her ass, and one in her mouth at the same time.

Then, of course, the culmination of the scene was when all the dudes started letting loose on their faces.  Disgusting.  Again, the only thing which crossed my mind is how fucking horrible the lives of these two girls had to be.  Can you imagine?? That’s your fucking job.  It’s your job to let people treat you like that.  And for what?  For a bag of meth?  Really?  Drugs are bad and I’m thankful I’ve never done them.  Not ever.

And so I drank.  A lot.  There’s this god awful beer called Damnation and I had about two too many.  Let’s just say that by the time 9:00 last night rolled around I wanted to die.  Worst hangover EVER.  Spent the next 10 hours puking up anything left in my stomach, which included a delicious corndog and a peanut butter sandwich.  Delicious going in, not so good coming out.  That’s what she said.