Not so Hot Yoga

7 Apr

Sunday I declared I was sick of my fatness and was making a change.  So far so good.  Managed to make it to the gym twice this week and eat well most of the week – minus yesterday when I hit up Capital Grille for Mainline Restaurant Week.  Mmm…steak, mashed potatoes, lobster mac n cheese, creamed spinach, cake, and two cocktails.  Damn it!  I think I basically fucked up my entire week by pigging out yesterday.


Since I moved here almost a year ago I’ve been trying to find a yoga studio.  The yoga classes at my gym blow ass.  One class was so bad that at about 15 minutes in I said, “fuck this” and rolled out.  Don’t think that was very relaxing for the rest of the people in the class.  Fuck them, who cares.  The other class I went to was so crowded we all started bumping into one another.  Trust me, the last thing you want to do in yoga is bend over and find your face buried in some sweaty guy’s crack.  Not my idea of a good class.  Pass.  Totally pass.

You can imagine my delight when I moved into my new neighborhood and found there was a yoga studio within walking distance.  Yeah!  Tonight I went for my first…and possibly last class.  I rolled in, handed them the payment for the class, and that’s when the dude announced, “We keep our studios between 88-90 degrees.”  [insert sound of scratching record here] Say what?  This is hot yoga??  Nowhere on the website was there any mention of a hot studio.  Here’s the thing, I hate sweating with a fiery passion.  There is little in this world that makes me feel as uncomfortable as sweating – with the possible exception of hearing someone complain about their regularity.

“Fine,” I think to myself, “I can suck it up and deal with it and give it a try.”  So I did.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to balance yourself on one foot while you sweat all over your mat?  Plus the dude in front of me was so sweaty he was dripping down his own legs.  It was absolutely disgusting, but I couldn’t look away.  I just kept staring at his hairy ass legs all drenched in sweat.  Ugh.  Gross.  My eyes.

But I made it through!  I made it through, I now smell like corn chips, and I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to walk tomorrow.

Yeah!  Good times!

6 Responses to “Not so Hot Yoga”

  1. Del-V April 8, 2011 at 8:25 am #

    If you have Comcast you can get free yoga videos on demand in the Sports and Fitness area. That way you can be gross in the privacy of your own house!

  2. bye2mrwrong April 8, 2011 at 1:21 pm #

    You crack me up!
    I think you should keep going just so you can tell us about your hot, sticky and “fascinating” experiences. Who knows maybe next time the dude sweating in front of you is a hunk. And you might just want to tell us about how you were fantasizing about licking the sweat of his not so hairy legs, as you found yourself in some weird and very flexible position 😉

  3. Red April 8, 2011 at 10:29 pm #

    I tried hot yoga a couple of times. I didn’t dig it at all. Specifically, I did Bikram yoga; not sure if all hot studios are Bikram or some are other kinds. I hated how it became about endurance and getting through the poses without fainting; it really ruined the yoga for me. And Bikram is the same series of poses every class and there’s no flow. I was a vinyasa girl.

    I can’t do yoga anymore – balance issues. But I’ve gotten into Pilates and I like it muchly.

  4. Tracy April 9, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

    My sister is a Bikram instructor and loves it (all hot yoga is NOT Bikram). I did it for a few months and seriously got frustrated when the whole things was about not passing out. I liked the strength and musculature, but it is also very expensive and a lot of time out of your day. Bottom line, I’m gonna get the bike out for the summer and try another type of yoga. I felt like I was competing to stand up. My bike doesn’t make me feel like that 🙂

  5. Susie April 10, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    OK- I’m a hot yoga LOVER…sometimes it sucks ass to be sweating, especailly after you’ve had a super long day or ate a lot of crap (because let’s face it that whole we are what we eat- totally true). But you know what- You effing’ did it! You accomplished something while you HATE sweating. I bet, give yourself a week and you’ll be thinking about going again!! Even if you took the class sparingly, it’s a test of accomplishment and who knows- I mean a lot of hot yoga people are beyond crazy but maybe there will be some hot dude one day that decided to try too….

  6. Eva May 13, 2011 at 4:15 pm #

    Hot yoga is just the best…. it is the best of the best. You end up with a skin of silk and legs of iron. At least I tell myself this. It is also surprisingly relaxing if you get used to going a few times. You feel amazing afterwards.

    Just thought I’d share. Hope you go back!

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