Archive | 4:58 pm

Hanging with My Muffin Top

3 Apr

It’s a sad state of affairs when one gets excited to find their fat pants…and they fit like a glove.

What the hell has happened to me? Just a year ago, I was cruising around in my size 10 pants with my yoga toned body making smart choices about what I was going to eat (notice I didn’t say WHO I was going to eat). Just 12 short months later I’m sitting my fat ass on the couch in my size 14 jeans, my body hasn’t touched a yoga mat in over 6 months, I haven’t seen the inside of the gym since early February, and I inhaled a hot dog with fries for lunch?

How the hell did it all happen so quickly? When did I get so damn lazy that the thought of heading to the gym became equivalent to the thought of taking a kick to the crotch? It’s not that bad. In fact, I even kind of liked going when I actually went. Yet I seem to have forgotten all of that and so now I’ve ballooned up to the size of a baby whale. Worst part is that as the warm weather approaches I’m going to have to start shedding the layers of protection my clothes provide. There is nothing worse than seeing someone’s dimpled thighs in a pair of shorts, especially if they’re your own dimpled thighs.

And the thought of someone seeing me naked right now? Ugh! Fucking UGH!! Jesus, I can just imagine their sad face when they realize how squishy my body actually is.

So for the sake of the general public and my own sanity, I’m getting back on the wagon. No more expanding muffin top. No more buying lunch 100 times a week and only eating fried food. Starting this afternoon, I’m getting my fat ass back in gear.

What’s it look like? To start, I’m going to the gym at least twice a week, I have to eat all my fruits and veggies for the day, AND I have to have at least 6 glasses of stupid ass water. We’ll see how the first week goes, and then I’ll make adjustments.

Please feel free to send me motivational messages to make sure I’m getting my chunky thighs and fat rolls to the gym…