Comcast Rides the Short Bus

31 Mar

There are things in this world which will always remain a mystery to me.  Why some people chew with their mouths open, why some people can’t hold their spoons properly, why dogs like sniffing one another’s butts, why cats are such a-holes, why Oprah is so popular, why that terrible Rebecca Black song is so popular, and why – on God’s green earth – the people at Comcast seem to share a brain cell.

How difficult is it to provide good customer service?  It’s not that freaking difficult.  Trust me, I was on the phone for three years and was perfectly pleasant – even the time some enraged dude called me a “fucking cunt”.  Did I yell at him?  No.  Did I hang up on him?  No I did not.  Did I change my tone and start acting like an uber mega bitch?  I wanted to, but I didn’t.  When he said he wanted to take his money out of Investments r Us did I try to sell him other services?  Hell to the no.  I calmed him down and helped him out.  That’s what good customer service is about.

It’s not the Comcast approach where you put people on the phones who sound like they’d rather be slashing their wrists than help you.  Or teaching them to sell you stupid shit you don’t need when you can’t stand what they offer in the first place.

This afternoon I called them to ask about their pricing vs. FIOS.  I’m paying $15 more per month than what FIOS offers, and I wanted to know why.  They didn’t have a good answer.  I asked how much it would cost to terminate my contract, and her response was she didn’t know because she was in the sales department.  Check this out:

Here’s the transcript from a recent chat I had with them:

  • Comcast: I undersytand you. [Way to not know how to spell.]
  • Comcast: Let me explain you something at this moment since you have a 1 year promotion I am not able to give you another promotion , But However I can give our wonderful Starter Xf triple play for current customer for $ 129.99,
  • Comcast: Is it Ok for you ?
  • Me: No thank you. That’s far more than I’m willing to spend. That’s almost twice what I could get with Verizon. What is the cost if I cancel my service with Comcast?
  • Comcast: Or we have another wonderful Triple play for around $ 159.99 our Preferred Triple play . [Really?  Fucking REALLY?  I just told you a minute ago I wasn’t going to pay you $129.99 so you try to offer me something else for more money?  What the hell is wrong with you??]
  • Comcast: We are sales department If you want to cancel it the service You will need to contact us in our 1-800 XFINITY telephone number. They can give you all the cost about it.
  • Me: Fine. I will call them.
  • Comcast: oK, Thank you for your patience.
  • Me: Bye.
  • Comcast: If you want I can give you all the benefits about our wonderful Starter XF triple play .
  • Comcast: I know you will love it ! [proceeds to rattle on a bunch of stupid shit I don’t need]
  • Comcast: Also you will get wonderful benefits:
  • Me: No thank you. I don’t want to pay that much money when I can get the same thing from FIOS for almost $100 less.
  • Comcast: We will give you a 30-day, money-back guarantee on all our services. If you’re not satisfied and wish to cancel service for any reason, you can do so in the first 30 days and get your money back. Simply return all equipment in good working order and we’ll refund the monthly recurring fee for your first 30 days of service and any charges you paid for standard installation.
  • Comcast: Do you like watching movies and series? I am glad to hear that, please let me tell you that Comcast now has our great http://www.XFINITYTV.com, where customers and no customers can have access to thousands of movies. Since you will be a current customer, you will get more access, and who knows you might find a movie that you lost or could not see in the theaters. I hope that you sit and relax after this conversation. Enjoy it !

Here’s my question: does this actually work?  Is there some stupid idiot out there who thinks to himself, “Hmm…I hate Comcast and don’t want to pay more than I’m paying, but let me go ahead and pay more so I get locked into a longer contract with them.”

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4 Responses to “Comcast Rides the Short Bus”

  1. My Dating Hangovers March 31, 2011 at 11:55 pm #

    Hahahaha!!! I feel you on this one though I think their idiot cousin is Charter Cable.

    You’re either cursed with some lame rep in Bangladesh reading through the U.S. scripted version of customer service OR the usual a-hole who really hates their job.

    I actually started having twitches reading about your sucky experience, trust me, I’ve been there. Having cable is like being in an abusive relationship – you have your moments when you can’t take anymore and have the nerve to say f-it and try to leave, only to be lured right back.

    Question is, did they provide you with excellent customer service? LOL

  2. Hookdntx April 1, 2011 at 8:10 am #

    I usually just call the customer service line and then ask for the consumer retnetion department. They have tried to raise my rates 3 times and each time I threaten to switch and get a better deal. But this sounds like its an automated response deal, wierd.

  3. Laura April 1, 2011 at 4:17 pm #

    I did this type of customer service. They called it technical support when I took the job. But, it soon morphed into taking every call for sales, payments and past due stuff where people were often really aggressive and insolent. But, we had to give the sales speech on every call, no matter what anyone replied. It was the brilliant marketing plan. I thought it was really stupid. I ended up being fired cause I wasn’t doing the marketing spiel on every call. The job paid well, but that was the only part of it I miss.

  4. jon April 1, 2011 at 4:41 pm #

    Your call is very important to CommieCast. You know that because they’ve told you that 600 times already.

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