Archive | 9:34 pm

Stripped Down

30 Mar

Let’s talk about sex, baby.  Let’s talk about why everyone likes getting strippers at bachelor and bachelorette parties.  What’s the allure in having some nasty ask skank or man whore slather their bodies in baby oil and gyrate in your face?  Someone please explain it to me, because I’m dying to know.

Gotta admit, I’ve never attended a bachelorette party where there was a stripper, but I’ve heard stories.  I’ve been to strip clubs – male dancers freak me the fuck out.  Ugh, the thought of where their junk has been makes me want to bleach all my exposed body parts.  Yuck yuck.  And I have heard PLENTY of stories of what really happens at bachelor parties.

Let me tell you something, the bachelor ALWAYS gets a lap dance.  ALWAYS!!  And know what else?  The stripper is gonna get motorboated by the groom to be.  FACT.  If you confront your man and ask him if he touched the stripper and he says “no”, he just lied.  Here’s the deal, stripper boobs don’t count.  As long as your man didn’t touch her skanky ass lady nethers, you’re safe.  You know, it’s probably in your best interest to just never talk to him about it.  Just don’t do it.  He touched her boobs.  With his face.  It happened, everyone lives.

As for the guys who are married to chicks who had strippers at the bachelorette party, just hope the stripper didn’t slap her cheek with his herp infested penis.  You’ll totally know if she starts developing sores on her cheek.