Archive | 10:03 am

Curly Sue

2 Mar

When I was in college I had the MAJOR hots for this dude in my class. Lawman was hot like fire and dumb like rock.  I’m not going to go into the excitement when we finally knocked boots – which coincidentally happened 16 years ago last week.  Man, we could have had a teenager by now.  Scary thought.  FYI: he had a giant penis.  GIANT!!

Anyway, while we were in school he had a psychotic girlfriend and he had a massive crush on one of our classmate.  Curly Sue was super nice and kind of cute.  But she was also plain Jane with curly hair.  Never quite saw what he saw in her…other than himself.  She and I used to compare hook up stories and we swore up and down we’d never sleep with him.  Um, yeah, we both slept with him.  I’d like to go ahead and claim the prize because I went first.  She had my sloppy seconds just before graduation – in the men’s locker room.  At least we did it in my bed.  Sure, I was drunk as hell and can’t remember 1/2 of it, but we did it in a bed.  AND he slept over.  Take that, Curly Sue!

She and I are friends on Facebook, though we don’t actually communicate with one another.  Not ever.  I did, however, happen to take a peek at her page today and a big smile crept onto my face as I realized she had put on at least 6o pounds since we graduated.  Man, she’s got some double chin.  A really nice hefty one.

Wonder what he’d think of her now…

I know, I know, I’m one to talk.  I was a size 6 when I graduated.  Yes, my collar bones stuck out and it looked like I had attended the Lara Flynn Boyle and Calista Flockheart diet camp, but at the time I thought it looked good.  16 years later I’ve eaten my way up to a 12-14.  My ass is bigger than I’d like to admit, and my arms disgust me.  But you know what?  I still like to see other girls who were hot in college who have gone the way of the whale.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go scrounge for some chocolate or something…