A Conversation Between Me and You

27 Feb

  • Me: Hey, you!  How’ve you been??
  • You: I thought you were dead…
  • Me: You what?  No, no!  I live.  I’m alive.  Still here.  You know, living the exciting life of a single girls in the suburbs of Pennsylvania.
  • You: Yeah, well.  You haven’t written in awhile so I imagined you having choked on something and then rotting in your house for a few days before anyone found you.  Something along those lines.
  • Me: Sorry to disappoint you.  I just haven’t written in awhile.
  • You:  Remember when you sued to post all the time and bore us with all the details of your mundane life?
  • Me: Come on, now.  It hasn’t been THAT long since I posted.  And my life isn’t THAT boring.
  • You: Yes it has and yes it is.
  • Me: Well screw you then.
  • You: No, wait.  That’s not what I mean.  I mean, I kind of miss hearing about all your stupid shenanigans.
  • Me: Oh, in that case…thank you?
  • You: Life’s just not the same without Just the Tip Tuesday and without knowing how your search for peen is going, or hearing what your mom’s been up to.  It’s just not the same. [wipes away tear]
  • Me: Hey now, kiddo.  [soft punch to the shoulder] Don’t cry now.  I’ll write more.  I promise.
  • You: And will you tell us fun stories about all the new guys you’re dating?
  • Me: I’d love to, but you know I have less than zero luck with men.
  • You: Oh, we’ll maybe you can tell us about how you’ve got a cool new trip planned and you can go and get wasted in that new city and then something fun can happen!
  • Me: Uh, yeah, I don’t have any trips planned any time soon.
  • You: Oh, well.  How about any fun drunk stories?  Can you please tell me that you’re still drinking?  Please!
  • Me: That, my dear, I can do.

I’m back, bitches.

  • Me:

4 Responses to “A Conversation Between Me and You”

  1. KiKi February 27, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    Why did you post our conversation? (har)

    I’d say, “welcome back, bitch” — but, you know, I’m not here to make friends.


  2. Sarah February 28, 2011 at 1:38 am #

    That was the exact same imaginary conversation I had with you today! Gimmie some JTT bitch. It’s the only thing that gets me through to hump day. whore.

  3. Kerryn February 28, 2011 at 2:01 am #

    It’s about time. We’ve missed you.

  4. jon February 28, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

    Glad to hear that your 12 Step Program includes blogging.

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