Foxy Luv in the hizzie! Keeping it real here in Smalltimore.
Since we are at the start of a new year – it is resolution time. Normally – I never touch the stuff. But I have lost some weight over the last year and I am determined to keep it off – so I resolved to get to the gym 5-6 times a week. I know right – it’s a good one!
The other day while I was working out and hating it and wondering how I might be able to score some Maleria or a tape worm to help keep me slim, I scanned the gym to see who else was in hell with me. It was essentially the usual suspects. There were the requisite old people who are on aspirin regiments walking slowly, yet peppily on the treadmills. There was the very butch personal trainer who I suspect was checking me out (really – there’s nothing to suspect – of course she was checking me out. I mean – come on – its me.). There were the Man-orexic gay dudes, who despite booking at insane resistance levels on the eliptical, still had great hair going on. Kudos to them!
And then, what to wandering eyes should appear, but a 40-something year old dude (and I am being generous, he was clinging to his 40’s by his fingernails) in a fraternity rush t-shirt! Say what? OK – I love the movie Old School – I do. But that is because it features the very hot Luke Wilson, period.
Let’s be for reals here – a dude in his late forties wearing a fraternity rush shirt tells me A – he’s a cheap bastard who thinks a threadbare t-shirt is acceptable work out gear, or B – he feels Animal House is more than a movie – it’s a lifestyle. Either scenario is not something he should be advertising. And – here’s a shock – no wedding ring on his sweaty little hand. WHAT?
While I am sure Blotter, Roadblock, Corky, and the rest of the fellas back at the Kappa Kappa Jackass house are really proud of you for keeping it real – that really shouldn’t motivate you. Because Blotter, Roadblock, and Corky are 20 something morons who spend most of their time either baked or bitching about “fat chicks” and having to go to class at 10 o’clock in the morning. Come on guy! Give it up! You have a job, you have an IRA, you have a Honda, you have a mortgage. You need to loose your rush shirt and realize you are an old fucker. That’s the deal – embrace it.
How about a shirt that says I have “$150K in my IRA”? Or “I own a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom home in an upscale area”? Or “100% Herp Free!” Or “My mom is dead”? Any of those would be chick magnets!
And also – I can totally see your man nips in that shirt – it is that well worn. Ewwwww. Please – get a new damn shirt.