Archive | December, 2010

Just the Tip Tuesday (12/28/10)

28 Dec

Where has the year gone?  More importantly, where has the decade gone?  It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating Y2K waiting for the end of the world when computers would stop working.  Now here we are going into 2011 on Friday, crazy times.  Crazy.  Times.

It seems appropriate to end the year’s JTT with a little someone special who was featured in some epic movies in the 2000’s.  Okay, so technically the movies came out several years ago, but still they were in the first part of the decade so go ahead and suck on that.  So my dear fine readers, as 2010 comes to a close I give you Viggo Mortensen in all of his dirty glory:

Let me go ahead and call it as I see it: he looks his finest when he’s in full gruffy-ness (is that a word) as Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Man, especially in The Fellowship of the Rings he looks so fine a girl has to change her pants after watching him traipse around the screen.  F. I. N. E.  Mama like it.  Mama lick it all better.

Not so hot in Easter Promises…except for that naked fight scene in the bathroom.  Ladies (and boys who like balls) you actually get to see his peen!  Know what?  I would totally touch that sucker.  I really would.

Just the Tip Tuesday (12/21/10)

21 Dec

It’s my party and I’ll repeat JTTs if I want to!  There are only so many fine hot hotties to go around PLUS sometimes one of them creeps back up and I want them all over again.  And in all fairness, it’s been two years since he was featured in a JTT.  That’s a long freaking time to be doing JTT.

I am not a huge lover of Dave Matthews, but I’d like to be a huge lover of Dave Matthews.  Actually, I’m not huge so I guess I’d just want to be a regular sized lover of Dave Matthews.

Plus I want to be the chick for whom he wrote this song.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.

All I Want for Christmas is for My Ass to Be Smaller

20 Dec

Christ almighty I need to freaking stop eating everything in sight!  Why on earth do we use the holidays as an excuse to pour ourselves into our loosest sweatpants and eat every peppermint flavored treat in front of us?  It’s just not right.  Add in the fact I haven’t hit the gym since November and it’s no wonder the zipper on my jeans is straining.

And yet I had no trouble buying a bunch of Peppermint Bark from my favorite cafe in Baltimore, Stone Mill Bakery.  I convinced myself it was going to be for everyone at my mom’s house at Christmas Eve.  That worked until about an hour ago when I popped open the box and inhaled three pieces.  Thank freaking God I’m not in a relationship right now, I’d be far too embarrassed with my body right now to actually have sex.  Plus I think when I sweat I smell like peppermint now.

Ugh, I have to stop.

What treats send you over the edge this time of year?

Hot or Not

16 Dec

This morning I confessed to Boom Boom that in my almost 20 years of hooking up I have never worn pantyhose. Mainly because the thought of peeling off a pair of control top stocking just seems awkward to me. Boom Boom mentioned she thought it was kind of sexy. Guess I’ve never looked at it that way.

So, fine readers (all three of you), I ask you: peeling pantyhose off a chick, hot or not?

Work Marriage

15 Dec

Most of us have one: a work spouse. It’s the guy or girl you hang out with at work and just seem to click with. Sometimes there’s a little undercurrent of a little something-something, but for the most part they provide a type of moral support for you. You may turn to them to bitch about your job, or your loved ones, or to get them to hold the door for you or maybe carry heavy things. The point isn’t too hook up at work, in fact, these relationships are supposed to be platonic. Otherwise a big fat mess ensues and
then you have to go through work couples counseling and may end up getting a work divorce. Then you have to figure out who gets the pantry and who gets the copy room. It’s freaking messy.

For many of the years I worked at Investments r Us Disney was my work spouse. He was there when I needed him and was always willing to sexually harass me when I was feeling fat. He was good like that. He never ever made a pass at me, though I don’t doubt if I had made a pass at him he would have probably gone along with it. I also don’t doubt that if his wife knew about half the stuff we talked about, she’d probably kick his ass twice and make him cry.

I can’t seem to find a decent man to date, but there are a bevy of work spouses from which to choose from. Office Adonis thought he was my work husband, I played along. Mainly because I didn’t have the heart to tell him if he wanted to be my work spouse we could never ever hook up. And since we did, the work marriage is null and void. I just haven’t told him yet.

Folgers is my work husband at Widgets & Co. We hit it off from the get go. I knew he had a little thing for me and he’s over stepped some bounds, but he’s never touched me. Though, again, I don’t doubt if I gave him any indication I was into him he’d be all over me like white on rice.

So here’s my question: if I can find a work spouse, why on God’s green earth can’t I find a normal unattached dude to date? Where are they all freaking hiding?

Just the Tip Tuesday (12/14/10)

14 Dec

Holla, bitches!  It’s Tuesday.  As tempted as I am to just let the day roll by without posting, I know there are a few of you-I won’t mention any names (WHORE)-who will freak the hell out if I don’t provide a JTT.  Said individuals may slip to the dark side and start mentioning their love for Twilight.  You know you’ve hit bottom when you’re watching Twilight and picking teams (WHORE).

So, my dears, in an effort to appease you and maintain my laziness, I present you with the chest of Office Adonis:

I know, I know, he’s a douche bag.  But guess what?  I don’t give a flying fuck.

Yes, I touched it.  And YES, it was fucking hotter in person.

Protected: These Boots Are Made for Walking

9 Dec

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Now THAT’S Dirty Dancing!

8 Dec

Hot damn, bitches!

I don’t watch “Dancing with the Stars,” mainly because most of those people are not stars.  And because I don’t care.  I would, however, watch it if they got hot and spicy like Argentina’s version of the show did.  This week on Bailando por un Sueno (Dancing for a Dream), one of the couples did things that would make most lean over for a cigarette afterward.

The girl has moves…moves most strippers would envy.

Take a look with your own yes.  But I’m warning you, it’s not safe for work, you don’t want your kids around, and you might need a cold shower when you’re through.

Click here to see the video.