Archive | 6:22 pm

Something is Amish

26 Nov

For some ungodly reason, my sister has an unnatural fear of the Amish.  This seems to have started some 20 years ago when the family took a little road trip to Lancaster, PA.  For those of you not in the know, Lancaster is Amish country.  There’s some freakish fascination for those of us to live in the area to head up that way and gawk at people that live differently than we do.  It’s almost like we treat it like some kind of strange zoo filled with animals instead of people.  They dress differently than many of us, the dudes have funky beards, and the ladies keep their hair tucked away in a prim little bonnet.  We ooh and ahh at the horse and buggies.  We buy their cheese and eat their ice cream.  We even buy their furniture and then proclaim proudly how we’re helping the Amish.

I’m not sure if it’s the delicious dairy products they produce, or the fact they name their sons Ezekiel and Jedediah, but something just freaks my sister the fuck out.  For years she refused to step foot in Pennsylvania for fear the Amish might get her.  Years of therapy seems to have helped her.

Yet things changed this afternoon when we happened to find ourselves in a place with about 20 Amish.  The second she saw them my sister started sweating and looking around nervously.  Again, not sure why.  It’s not like the Amish are known for being violent.  You don’t exactly read about Amish gangs in the news.  There are never rumors about Amish gone bad who steal your wallet, kick you in the shins, and then make you grow a beard.  Just doesn’t happen.  But there she was sweating it out anyway.

I told her I wanted to get a picture of her with the Amish, but she quickly said no.  When I told her I was kidding, she said she was thankful. “I’d never take their picture, I’d be afraid I’d take their souls,” I told her.  “Those are the Hopi Indians, stupid,” she responded.  What-the-fuck-ever.

You know what I’m getting her for Christmas?  A picture of Lucy(fer) and Damien dressed up in full Amish garb.  Take that!


Black Friday

26 Nov

I never understood the allure of getting up at the ass crack of dawn to go stand outside at Wal-mart at 2:00 AM just to wait for the doors to open at 5:00 so I could get some fabulous deal on a shitty TV.  Do I really need a crappy TV that badly?  No, I do not.  And why would I go to Target at 7:00 in the morning?  There’s just no need.

Shopping on Black Friday is akin to getting a rectal exam: something that should be avoided at all costs.

There’s no reason to pack yourself into a store with a bunch of cranky ass people who want to fist fight you over a generic mp3 player.  No thank you, I will pass.  I would rather hang out in my pajamas and shop online.  Granted, I won’t have any good stories about some 70+ year old woman yelling at a young mother about how she had the Cabbage Patch doll first, but somehow I’ll survive.

In fact, unless they start offering hot bachelors at stores, you can guarantee that my ass will be nowhere near the mall.

For those of you braving the stores (in other words, stupid enough to go out today), God speed.  And you’re in luck, some shops have lovely deals:

  • BestBuy you’ll be able get a black or white Wii for $169
  • GameStop is offering a free game (Fossil Fighters or the Legendary Starfy) with purchase of a new, special release Orange or Green DSi bundle
  • Kmart if you purchase a black or white Wii console on Friday or Saturday, you’ll receive a $25 Gaming Coupon.  Also, from 5am-11am on Friday only, they’re offering a $25 Gaming Coupon with purchase of an orange or green DSi bundle.
  • Target you’ll be able to get a new Fling Smash bundle for $39, Wii Fit Plus bundle for $67, and if you purchase Super Mario Bros Wii, you’ll receive a $10 gift card. If you purchase an orange or green DSi bundle
  • Sears, you’ll receive a $20 Award Card.  You can also get Metroid: Other M or Super Mario Galaxy 2 for $39.99
  • Walmart there is a $50 gift card with purchase of a Black, White or Red Wii console, and they’ll be offering the Nintendo DS Lite for just $89

Now get out there and get me a new Wii.