Last night I was in Baltimore hanging out with some peeps for additional birthday celebrations. As a reminder, you still have plenty of time to send me a gift certificate or cash money as my birthday isn’t until Tuesday. But I digress. So I was in Baltimore getting my drink on with my friends. It was supposed to be a special night, and it kind of was. But not special like I got to touch someone’s wiener while I was sober special. It was more like that guy was lucky he left when he did or Jewcy Bits would have punched him in the face special.
That’s right, kids, there was almost a fight. Starring Jewcy Bits and the Master Overlord of Douche Bags.
My girlfriend invited the asshole she’d been seeing on and off for the last 6 months. We already didn’t like him since he basically dumped her on her birthday and then got back together with her a few days later. His idea of making up with her and apologizing involved a drunk phone call at 3:30 am on a Monday where he drunkenly told her he had acted like a jack ass and wanted to come over to “talk” to her. Kids, this is a perfect example of what I like to call a “booty call.”
Like a typical chick, we’ve all been there, she took him back. And she believed he had changed. I can’t blame her, I too am a chick and have fallen for such behavior myself. So he came out for my birthday where he proceeded to be a total ass the whole time. Examples of his shitty behavior include:
- Berating her in front of her friends
- Ogling other chicks in front of her
- Calling us all lame
- Kicking my friends to get their attention
- Spilling drinks all over the place
- Rubbing another girl’s bare legs (repeatedly)
- Slapping Jewcy Bits’ boyfriends gut
It was that last one that just about sent Jewcy Bits over the edge. And with good reason. I have to say, I would have paid good money to watch Jewcy punch him in his mouth. He totally deserved it. He really did. I think I might dream of seeing his drunk ass laid out on the floor and watching Jewcy kick his fat gut all over the floor.