Trick or Beating

1 Nov

Last night I took my niece and nephew trick or treating around the neighborhood.  Aw, cute, I know.  But let’s face it, you’re not going to be surprised to hear that I had other motives.  I figured if I walked them to the door that I might earn some candy myself.  Mama likes candy, and it just doesn’t feel right to steal all their candy when I can earn my own.

Know what?  People are bastards.  Of the 30+ houses we went to only 6 gave me candy.  WTF is that about?  Why are people so damn cheap??

When I used to pass out candy to the little hoodlums in my neighborhood, I’d always offer a piece to mom.  And even a piece (of ass) to dad if he was hot. So next year, let’s make a little pact: if I show up to your door, you’ll give the candy to the kids, and you’ll hand me a piece too.  In return, I won’t key your car on the way down the driveway.

Deal?  Deal!


4 Responses to “Trick or Beating”

  1. Dennis Hong November 1, 2010 at 12:28 pm #

    Whore jokes aside, I have a perspective from the other side….

    This year, I went to a pirate party, so I decided to be a treasure chest. True to the costume, I filled the “chest” part with about two bags worth of gold-wrapped chocolates. I thought it’d be a good conversation-starter, if nothing else.

    I was planning to give away the candy all along, but I can’t believe how rude people got. I had people come up and grab candy without even asking. And even of the people who did ask, some would grab literal handfuls of it.

    It got to the point where I had to start smacking people’s hands away. Ugh.

    Anyway, the lesson here is that the more generous you are, the more pushy people get. Never again will I give out candy for free at a party.

  2. Jess November 1, 2010 at 2:49 pm #

    I just heard of “Trick or Liquor”. Yes, it’s true! Adults go door to door and get some adult beverages. Sign me up, please!

    • Kristen November 7, 2010 at 10:02 am #

      @Jess: I’m in too!

  3. jamieonline November 11, 2010 at 2:20 pm #

    That’s quite an idea…. I wanna get set for next year.

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