Last night I took my niece and nephew trick or treating around the neighborhood. Aw, cute, I know. But let’s face it, you’re not going to be surprised to hear that I had other motives. I figured if I walked them to the door that I might earn some candy myself. Mama likes candy, and it just doesn’t feel right to steal all their candy when I can earn my own.
Know what? People are bastards. Of the 30+ houses we went to only 6 gave me candy. WTF is that about? Why are people so damn cheap??
When I used to pass out candy to the little hoodlums in my neighborhood, I’d always offer a piece to mom. And even a piece (of ass) to dad if he was hot. So next year, let’s make a little pact: if I show up to your door, you’ll give the candy to the kids, and you’ll hand me a piece too. In return, I won’t key your car on the way down the driveway.