Archive | August, 2010

Just the Tip Tuesday (08/20/10)

20 Aug

As the owner of this blog I make the rules.  If I want to have a JTT on a day other than Tuesday, I can do that.  So guess what? I’m doing it!  Seeing as how I didn’t post one for two weeks, I think I might post two today.

The first one was promised to Foxy a few weeks ago.  She just about dropped me as a friend the week I posted Bruce Willis because she thought her pick would be featured.  I had to talk her down and promise her a whiskey sour fountain to get her to talk to me.

Ever watch the show Man vs. Food?  It’s a pretty cool show where this dude basically runs around the country to restaurants that have challenges (like if you eat a four pound burger you get your name on a plaque in the bathroom) and he takes them on.  The host of the show is pretty funny, and, as you can imagine, has started to put on some weight.  Still, his personality helps to make him kind of desirable.  Notice how I said “kind of”.  Ladies and germs, I present to you: Adam Richman.

My dick is this big!

Yeah, I know, many of you are probably just staring at the pic wondering, “What the hell has gotten into Catherinette.”  Don’t give up on me just yet!!  Not when I have Rick Malambri to throw at you!

Now that’s what I’m talking about!  Yeah, the dude may be one of the world’s worst actors, but trust me, the second he takes his shirt off it won’t matter.  Dude is hot.  If you’d like to gawk at him for awhile you’re in luck!  Rick plays the lead role in Step Up 3D.  And yes, it’s worth it to see it in 3D because he is THAT hot.

Slackers

20 Aug

Yeah, I haven’t written anything for about two weeks.  So what?  You’re not the boss of me.  As a Gen Xer I was raised to be a slacker.  So guess what?  I totally slacked.

While I was slacking, I also wore some legwarmers, rocked out to Katrina and the Waves, wore my jelly shoes, sprayed my bangs into the claw, wore some flannel shirts while listening to Nirvana, drank some Clear Pepsi, got drunk on Zima, and watched every episode of Family Ties.

I was busy.

Get a Room

8 Aug

How many of us have seen a couple groping each other in public and thought, “God, can’t they freaking control themselves?  Do they have to expose us to that utter nonsense?  I’m disgusted!”  And then there are those of us that have probably been the targets of jeers like:

“Get a room!”

“Way to go!”

And even, “Get some!”

Coincidentally, I may or may not have heard some of those very things last week when I was making out with Bob the Builder all over the downtown Philadelphia area.  Sure, he was more interested in “making love” and not touching my “bad parts” (nothing sounds as sexy as some dude saying how much he wants to touch your “bad parts” and how scared he is to go down on a chick because he has no idea what the hell he’s doing).  You still must be so shocked that I passed on that.

Anyway, Friday Boom Boom and I were up in NYC for the afternoon and evening.  Being the awesome people that we are, we were attending the Nintendo dinner at BlogHer.  I gotta tell you, being a blogger is pretty sweet sometimes.  They hosted everything, we showed up, drank their booze, ate their delicious food, and even walked away with new DS XLs.  Thanks, Nintendo!

On our way home, we spotted a couple on a corner that was just going to town.  My first instinct was to just mock them and bad mouth them – mainly because that’s in my DNA.  But there was something about the way that he held her face, and she had her hand on his waist that prevented me from doing it.

Sometimes, you can tell that two people really love each other, and I’m happy I caught it on film.  For all the times I love to take pictures of people on the sly when they’re looking like total ass monkeys, it’s nice to capture something good too.

Cheers to that couple, I only wish I had gotten their email addresses so I could have forwarded them the picture.

Just the Tip Tuesday (08/03/10)

3 Aug

Demi Moore is a lucky bitch.  Everyday she wakes up next to the hotness that is Ashton Kutcher.  Let’s all admit it, his body is fierce.  On top of that, she spent years waking up to this week’s pick: Bruce Willis.

You all know that I’m a sucker for a younger man.  It’s never been a secret.  There are, however, a few older men that make my knees buckle.  Bruce Willis is one of them.  I have loved him ever since Moonlighting.  In fact, I think he was the first grown man I ever had a crush on.

There are few actors who seem to have aged well.  Some just seem to get bloated and gross, and then there’s Bruce Willis.  Me likey.

Dear John, It’s Not Me, It’s You

2 Aug

“And one more thing, you missed out on a one of the best sexual experiences, just know that, too…”  That was the final message I received from Bob the Builder after informing him that I did not want to see him again after our date on Saturday.

Ah yes, there was another date.  A date with a new boy, one that had seemed promising, but turned out not to be.  He was nice, he was a kind of funny, but he was so freaking insecure it drove me nuts.  He told me several times that he really liked me and that he hoped that things would progress.  Kind of cute, but creepy at the same time.  After all, we had just met.  He apologized for a series of things on the date.  He mentioned his ex-girlfriend at least 12 times.  He parked cars for a living, though he didn’t actually own his own car. He told me, not once, but twice that he was terrible at going down on a chick.  Mind you, I didn’t ask-he kind of just blurted it out right before the main course came out.  It was kind of like, “I’m just like any other guy, I don’t know what I’m doing down there.  Can you pass me the salsa?”

It may come as a total shock to you to hear I’m actually quite ladylike and demure on a first date.  I don’t talk about sex, I don’t berate my exes, I don’t give lap dances, and the last thing on my mind on a first date is how much money will exchange hands when I offer him a blowie.  Shocking, I know.  So you can imagine how surprised I was when he brought up that he didn’t know his way around the vag.  Really?  At 37 you’re still not sure, you bring it up on a first date, AND you admit to it?  Um, that’s kind of strange.

Then add to that that he asked me twice what I liked in the sack.  I actually had to tell him that I didn’t think that was appropriate for a first date.  Shocking, I know.  Plus, he mentioned the phrase “making love” three times.  Who talks like that?  Did we take a time machine back to 1947?  Is someone going to help me out of my petticoat?  Where’s our chaparone?  I laughed at loud when he said that.

  • Him: What would you call it?
  • Me: Having sex.
  • Him:  Oh.  Well, I didn’t want to be rude and call it “fucking”, that’s just way too dirty.

Um, I kind of like dirty, sometimes.  There are some guys that can pull off the dirty talk, and there are some that if they try it makes you cringe.  This poor guy would be the cringe inducing type.  We happened to find ourselves making out at various times through the night and he would ask, “Do you like it when I kiss you like that?” “Do you like when I put my hands on your waist?”  He was trying to be sexy when he said it but it sounded pretty lame.

But the icing on the cake, I think, was when we were on our way back to my car.  He had me pinned up against the wall on 15th Street, and he started telling me about his sexual fantasy.  He wanted to be tied up, naked, to a chair and have me dance for him, and do things to his “bad parts.”  He actually called them “bad parts.”  Look, I’m all for living out sexual fantasies, I say go for it.  But I think there’s a time and a place for everything and I don’t think that the first date happens to be the place.

Or maybe it was when he said something along the following lines (also when he had me pinned against the wall):

Know what I would do to you if we were in a secluded place?  I would get down on my knees, and lift your skirt.  Then, I would hold your hips, and kiss your thighs.  I would kiss your hips.  And then suddenly, you’d hear a cry for help because I don’t know what the hell I’d be doing down there.

He was trying to be sexy when he said this.  He failed.  What makes it even less attractive is the fact that 3D was a master in the sack.  He may have been crazier than sin, but there’s something to be said about hot sex with a crazy person.  He knew what he was doing and was willing to push the envelope.  He oozed sex, right out of his crazy, insecure pores.  Those of you that met him are probably vomiting in your mouths right now (you’re welcome for that).  Regardless of how shitty things ended (on more than one occasion), there is no denying that he was skilled in the bedroom.  I don’t expect to find someone that knows his way around Clitoris Leachman like 3D did, but you can bet your ass that spending time with someone who flat out admits (more than once) that Vangelina Jolie scares him is not a dude for me.

Next!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering: no, I did not reset the peen counter.