20 Grams

14 Jun

Did you ever see that movie with Sean Penn, Benecio Del Toro, and Naomi Watts? No? Well, you didn’t miss much. Basically what you missed is that when you die, you instantly lose 20 grams. Perhaps that’s what one’s soul weighs. Who knows?

What I do know is that I need to die about 100 times over to lose the weight I have gained since I moved in with Boom Boom and Depeche Mode. Remember the Freshman 15? I’ve managed to gain the Philadelphia 15. I’m simply having too good of a time to care about what I eat.

Stop going out for dinner, you say. Screw you, that’s what I say.

Quit having Thirsty Thursdays or just cut back on the booze? How dare you! How very dare you!

This November we are all going away to Mexico for South Philly Fashionista’s wedding. You’d think that would be enough to dissuade me from eating/drinking everything in sight. You’d be wrong. Jersey Belle and I have decided that maybe what we need to do is have a little contest over who can gain the most weight. Yesterday I had peanut butter and banana french toast, booze, french fries with fried lobster, pork won tons, chicken tenders, half a hamburger, and fries. Just writing that out made me gain a pound. I am so going to kick her butt. Kick it hard.

Sadly, it looks like the world is against my big weight gain win. I just tried going to the cafeteria at Widgets & Co. to get some lunch – meatball sub, fries, soda. I stood around for 10 minutes waiting for someone to take my order. No one came. The only other option was a measly little side salad. Sad day for me, very sad. I’ll just have to settle for a granola bar and some damn fruit.

Guess I’ll just have to redouble my efforts tonight at dinner when I dine out…again.

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10 Responses to “20 Grams”

  1. Sarah June 14, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

    Just finished a Lean Cuisine for lunch…then someone brought in a tray of about 50 cookies. Game on!

  2. lackingfunds June 14, 2010 at 1:42 pm #

    You should document your weight gain with monthly pictures of your stomach up until the wedding. I think that would really put the final touches on this contest and draw quite a following 😛

  3. Del-V June 14, 2010 at 3:13 pm #

    I went to Philly for just a few hours and packed on some extra pounds. There are some great places to eat in that city. If you want to lose weight, come visit me in Baltimore. I’m sure you can resist Baltimore’s lamest junk food offerings – Lake Trout and Pit Beef sandwiches – and before you know it you will be skinny again.

    • maria June 14, 2010 at 3:26 pm #

      loved the “how very dare you” that was great. =) I’ve found that the Weight Watchers theory is great. No deprivation, but everything in moderation. Ive read their books from the libary and thats the only thing that seems to work for me ever!! I just watch portions rather than eat a bag of cookies eat maybe 3 or 4. Its worth a try =) good luck

  4. Justine June 14, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

    “How very dare you!” Love it, Catherine Tate 🙂

  5. Skylers Dad June 14, 2010 at 5:45 pm #

    My once stellar metabolism has now let me down for 3 years in a row. I guess this means it isn’t going to kick back in to high gear anytime soon, and I have to do the crazy eat and drink less thingy…

  6. teri June 14, 2010 at 7:40 pm #

    Philly is one of the fattest towns in the country. Don’t do it. Save yourself.

  7. Jersey Belle June 14, 2010 at 9:15 pm #

    You are going down sister. I had a bag of M&M’s, two crabcakes, a hot dog, and two, count them, TWO Klondike Bars.

    Game On!

  8. goldfishonwheat June 23, 2010 at 12:48 pm #

    The movie is 21 Grams. Not 20.

    20 Grams, 21 Grams, I’m only one off. It’s not so bad, right? -CS

    • goldfishonwheat June 24, 2010 at 1:21 pm #

      No, not so bad. It’s just a gram.

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