Did you ever see that movie with Sean Penn, Benecio Del Toro, and Naomi Watts? No? Well, you didn’t miss much. Basically what you missed is that when you die, you instantly lose 20 grams. Perhaps that’s what one’s soul weighs. Who knows?
What I do know is that I need to die about 100 times over to lose the weight I have gained since I moved in with Boom Boom and Depeche Mode. Remember the Freshman 15? I’ve managed to gain the Philadelphia 15. I’m simply having too good of a time to care about what I eat.
Stop going out for dinner, you say. Screw you, that’s what I say.
Quit having Thirsty Thursdays or just cut back on the booze? How dare you! How very dare you!
This November we are all going away to Mexico for South Philly Fashionista’s wedding. You’d think that would be enough to dissuade me from eating/drinking everything in sight. You’d be wrong. Jersey Belle and I have decided that maybe what we need to do is have a little contest over who can gain the most weight. Yesterday I had peanut butter and banana french toast, booze, french fries with fried lobster, pork won tons, chicken tenders, half a hamburger, and fries. Just writing that out made me gain a pound. I am so going to kick her butt. Kick it hard.
Sadly, it looks like the world is against my big weight gain win. I just tried going to the cafeteria at Widgets & Co. to get some lunch – meatball sub, fries, soda. I stood around for 10 minutes waiting for someone to take my order. No one came. The only other option was a measly little side salad. Sad day for me, very sad. I’ll just have to settle for a granola bar and some damn fruit.
Guess I’ll just have to redouble my efforts tonight at dinner when I dine out…again.