Where Fat Whores Go To Die

2 Jun

I have found the place.  I really have.  Apparently, Philadelphia is a mecca for fat whores with bad taste.

No, that is not why I chose to move there.

It just so happens that the city of Philadelphia is welcoming me with open arms AND providing me with opportunities to mock.  Opportunities unlike Baltimore could possibly give me.  Sure, I miss the white trash dudes in long, white tank tops and jorts (jean shorts).  But how can I possibly not like Philly when it offers me something like this:

I’m not sure which I love more: the mullet or the back fat.  It’s really something.  The super crazy thing is that these two klassy ladies were dressed up.  Dressed up!!  I went to the Sex and the City release last Thursday with Boom Boom, Jersey Belle, and South Philly Fasionista.  It was pretty hilarious to see how some of the chicks at the movie had dressed up for the occasion.  It was like some of them pretended that they were actually in the movie.  Very unfortunate for them, but high mocking times for us.

Our favorite, by far, was not mullet girl.  Oh no, that chick had NOTHING on Nemo.

When we first spotted her during our uber fancy dinner at Pod, we laughed and laughed.  The poor whore walked in wearing a dress that was clearly not suited with her.  Along with this unflattering dress she carried a GIANT pink bag and a faded denim jacket from 1982.  Not attractive.  Upon closer inspection, we realized that her dress was COMPLETELY see through.  We had zero trouble seeing the gigantic granny panties she was wearing underneath.  The pink and white ones that matched her bag.

We spent most of dinner staring at her in utter horror and debating whether/not she had done that on purpose.  We also decided that none of the 20 girls sitting at her table were her friends.  She must have been a horrible person because no one mentioned to her that everyone could see everything that she was carrying underneath.

Everything.

God knows how we were able to stomach the entire meal.  Jersey Belle and I almost lost it when she bent down in front of us.  I see London, I see France.

Lucky for you, I took a pic.

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10 Responses to “Where Fat Whores Go To Die”

  1. Skylers Dad June 2, 2010 at 12:48 pm #

    Honestly, the back fat is a much bigger horror for me than see through clothes exposing grannie panties.

  2. Emily June 2, 2010 at 1:52 pm #

    Nice job on the sneaky pics! Kudos to you for getting the shots without blowing your cover.

  3. teri June 2, 2010 at 3:53 pm #

    I told you that you were going to get a lot of juicy pictures and stories in Philly.

  4. Robin June 2, 2010 at 4:21 pm #

    My husband always says that Philadelphia is home to more fugly girls than any other place he’s ever been. I have a feeling he’s right…

  5. Bucky June 2, 2010 at 4:47 pm #

    There are places in this country–Oklahoma comes to mind–where those three in the pictures would be considered hotties. So it all depends on one’s point of view, or point of origin. Something like that.

  6. Lola June 2, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    …and Nemo just looks like her heels were ashy dry and cracking also. just something about those sloppy types, you try to not look at the heels but you just can’t turn away.

  7. Barb June 3, 2010 at 1:38 pm #

    Hey I’m from Philly but I’ve got to say, that is freaking funny as shit! Good job getting the photos.

  8. laanonima June 5, 2010 at 8:24 pm #

    The hair! How horrifying!

  9. librarycinderella June 11, 2010 at 11:56 am #

    That’s too funny. I live in Philly and that’s exactly what I saw that weekend too. Sadly, it’s like that a lot of days here. Some people have no idea how to dress and the people from the burbs (and the Northeast) with the mullet hair scare me.

  10. SPF June 14, 2010 at 2:20 pm #

    You so need to move to South Philly. The mocking opportunities will be simply endless.

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