Archive | May, 2010

Another Bottomless Pit Day

31 May

Barring getting your eyes gouged out by a rabid dingo, there’s really nothing quite like PMS.  Most of us that suffer from it are delighted to tell you how we would rather die a thousand deaths than have to live through it.  Some of us turn into royal bitches, some of us weep during cat food commercials, and then there are those of us that will eat the world.

Eat.

The.

World.

You’ll all be shocked to read that I am one of those poor bitches that not only weeps when cats jump over rainbows, but that has a bottomless pit right around the time that I’m getting my period.  Poor Depeche Mode and Boom Boom were witnesses to such events on Friday night.  That night, I ate dinner for four.  Seriously, for four grown adults.  I ate:

  • 1 plain quesadilla
  • 4 chicken fajita quesadillas
  • 2 Kosher hotdogs (complete with the rolls and condiments)
  • an entire bottle of wine.

All by myself.  I was about to start eating a third hotdog when Depeche Mode was kind enough to tear it out of my hands.  Frankly, he’s lucky that he managed to rip his hands away from his mouth with all of his fingers intact.  Meanwhile, Boom Boom, who had enjoyed her own bottle of wine and insisted (more like slurred) that she wasn’t drunk, yelled at Depeche Mode for taking away my food.  He said he was trying to save my hips.

Now there’s a true friend right there.  Someone willing to risk their own limbs to save my fat ass hips.

Just the Tip Tuesday (05/26/10)

26 May

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I’m a day late and it’s not Tuesday anymore.  Sometimes I get busy with stuff: like life, or eating my feelings, or maybe drinking, or forcing my roomies to watch Glee when they don’t want to.  I can’t help it!!  I would totally have had the post up and ready to go if it wasn’t for my job.  Man those people at Widgets & Co. really make it difficult to shirk work duties.  I can’t check my external email, I can’t tweet (unless I use my phone), and of course they block facebook AND my damn blog.  I can’t freaking write from work!!

See?  So it’s not my fault.

I’m sorry, I really am.  You mean a lot to me.  I think about you before I go to sleep at night and you’re the first one I think of when I go to bed.  Sometimes I dream about holding you and running my fingers through your hair.  Other times I imagine strolling through Central Park with you while we hold hands and talk about what life would be like without one another.

Okay, so I don’t, but I could.

Anyway, I know many people are all distraught over the series finale of Lost.  My poor roommates, Depeche Mode and Boom Boom, were inconsolable on Tuesday.  They took it pretty hard (that’s what she said).  I’m pretty sure that when they went to bed on Monday night they held each other and just cried themselves to sleep.  I know, however, that they were not along.  Admit that you watched the show and you wept like a little girl when the show ended.  It’s okay, I won’t mock you…to your face.

I’d like to dedicate this week’s JTT to those of you who are feeling all bummed out and depressed with Lost going off the air.  I admit that I wasn’t a watcher.  In fact, in the 6 years the show was on I watched exactly 2 episodes.  Both of which Boom Boom forced me to watch.  She tied me to a chair, stapled my eyes open, and didn’t let me go until the show was over.  Watching the show confirmed my belief that Matthew Fox is a TERRIBLE actor.  Just God awful.  I remember him as Charlie on Party of Five and remember wanting to slap him in his stupid mouth.

Then something else occurred to me, if he would just stop talking, he would be hot like fire.  Burning hot fire.  So, my people, this week’s JTT is none other than Mr. Limited Acting Range himself, Matthew Fox:

I’m a Dirty Mexican

25 May

On Sunday while I was home I went to have my hair did. At this point in my life, I’ve completely forgotten what my natural color looks like. For the last ten years the color has come from a box. I’ve had highlights, gone blondish, almost black, and now kind of reddish.

The new color looks pretty good. What does not is the amount of oil on my head. As I was leaving the salon the senior stylist said, “Don’t wash your hair for three days.” I thought she was joking, but my stylist assured me she was not. I’m now on day two of no hair washing and my hair us GROSS.

My hair is so greasy right now that it almost looks wet. It’s totally grossing me our. I can’t imagine what my new coworkers must think right now. I figured I’d suck it up and just hide at mt desk. That worked until about twenty minutes ago when some senior execs walked by.

I have a feeling they’re going to ask me to start cleaning bathrooms any minute.

The Many Joys of Spell Check

19 May

My spell check at work changes “ringtone” to “ringbone”.

18 May

Living with Boom Boom and Depeche Mode has been a blast the last few weeks.  Boom Boom and I get up and meet in the kitchen she makes me a parfait while I pack her lunch.  Then we carpool to work together and talk about all of the fun that we are going to have that night.  Typically these plans involve us stopping at the liquor store to pick up a bottle of champagne (or something like champagne with a more appealing price tag).  Then we proceed to get hammered in front of her son, Brown, and end up watching some wonderful show like Jerseylicious, Real Housewives of New Jersey, or Tough Love Couples.  All the shows that Depeche Mode would rather slit his wrists than watch.  But like the loving husband (and roommate) he is, he watches the shows with us.

Sometimes we all line up on the couch with our Apple products and ignore each other.  Instead we send each other Facebook and Twitter messages.  We are freaking awesome.  The other night we all shared our itunes libraries together.  Yay, friends!

In return they cash in on my Mexican heritage and make me do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, and take care of all of the lawn work.

The other day, Boom Boom was telling us about how much she loved Diner Dash.  Like an idiot I downloaded it my iPhone and now it’s like crack for me.  The only issue is that now all of these things seem to be creeping into other aspects of my life.

Here’s a little message I wrote to Boom Boom at work today.

  • Catherinette: I forgot to tell you about my dream last night. I was playing Diner Dash and singing “All the Right Moves.” That basically went on for about 45 minutes. The problem is that I only know the one line, “all the right moves in all the right places.” Know what’s even better than that? I was making up my own lyrics, the real lyrics are actually, “All the right moves and all the right faces.”  Thank you so much.
  • Boom Boom:  HAHAH! That’s so awesome.  Although my influence is sounding kinda lame….a computer game and One Republic? You sound like your living with a 45 y.o. shut-in w/ nonstop VH1 on in the background….I’ll have to up the ante on my influence power.  PS- I had no idea that the lyrics weren’t “all the right moves in all the right places.” I think I’ll still sing it wrong b/c it sounds better that way.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to watch Idol with Boom Boom so she’ll watch Glee with me.

Round Abound

18 May

I have a confession to make: I’m a little bit of a Star Wars geek.  I’m not admitting to dressing up like Princess Leia or knowing obscure trivia.  I do, however, enjoy the movies and have always thought that Darth Vader is THE penultimate villain.  As far as I’m concerned, all other villains can suck it.

You can imagine my delight when I stumbled upon this yesterday:

I totally need a TomTom GPS now.  I’d plug it in even when I knew exactly where I was going.  I freaking LOVE Darth Vader.

Just The Tip Tuesday (05/18/10)

18 May

First off, I’d like to apologize for even mentioning Ryan Seacrest and JTT in the same sentence.  Based on the votes that came in, 91% of you agree with me that he is definitely NOT hot.  Sorry, Boom Boom, there are only 15 other people in the world that want him.  On the bright side, no one will put up a serious fight if you want to put him in your pocket, feed him grains of rice, do his hair, and call him your own.  He’s all you.

I think JTT needs to get back to its roots and focus back on hot dudes.  Smoking hot dudes that make ladybits (and manbits in some cases) throb.  I’d like to present to you, Mr. Henry Cavill:

I would pay big money, BIG MONEY – I mean at least $2.50, to be able to drape my leg on his body like that.  This dude is hot.  Me likey.  Look familiar?  That’s because you may have seen him on The Tudors with fancy Nancy, Jonathon Rhys Meyers.  I’ll be honest, I don’t watch the show because the JRM makes my skin crawl.  To me, he is the epitome of sleazy – and not in a good way.  On the other hand, I can admit that it’s a terrible decision on my part not to watch the show because that means I’m missing a solid opportunity to see Henry Cavill prance around in tight leather pants.

Special shout out to Miss Paige of Doom for the suggestion.  Thanks, whore!

Protected: Technology Can Suck It

17 May

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