I See You…

14 Apr

We have all at one time played peekaboo with a kid.  It’s cute how they think that they’re hiding when they cover their little eyes with their hands.  It’s as though they can block out the entire world by closing their eyes and covering them.  They’re almost like little ostriches thinking they can hide their heads in the sand.

So cute.

Know what’s not cute?  When an adult plays a version of this in a public restroom.  Let me lay the scene out for you…

You walk into the bathroom and notice that one of the stalls is taken, so you move as far away as possible from that stall.  The person in that stall stays perfectly still.  No movement, no sound, no nothing.  They sit there quietly thinking that as long as they don’t make any noise you won’t notice that they’re there.

Meanwhile, this is a clear indicator that the person was in the middle of pooping and you have interrupted them.  You quickly wrap up your own business and fly out of the bathroom (after washing your hands) as fast as you can because you don’t want to be there when the pooping commences again.  The person hears the bathroom door close and goes back to the task at hand.  They think they’ve gotten away with secret pooping.

What they have failed to realize (or have mentally blocked) is that you have seen their shoes and can tell who they are.  As soon as you walk out of the bathroom you run over to your friend’s office and announce that so-and-so was pooping in the bathroom.

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10 Responses to “I See You…”

  1. wench April 14, 2010 at 2:59 pm #

    Heh heh. I thought bathrooms were FOR pooping. I think next time I’ll have to do a little tap dance while unloading or perhaps I’ll just borrow that extra pair of shoes that you have under your desk;)

  2. BeckEye April 14, 2010 at 4:47 pm #

    As Homer Simpson would say, it’s funny ’cause it’s true.

  3. Some Guy April 14, 2010 at 5:00 pm #

    As a sociological experiment, try covertly staking out a men’s bathroom sometime. I think you’ll find we are a lot less timid with our poops. You’ll likely hear a lot of audible grunting followed by words of encouragement from fellow bathroom patrons.

  4. jon April 14, 2010 at 6:16 pm #

    making serious eye contact with strangers in public restrooms might be less cute than playing peekaboo poop….just saying.

  5. Skylers Dad April 14, 2010 at 6:42 pm #

    Some Guy is right. We go far as to cheer each other on with sports chants, and on occasion, belt out our old college fight songs.

  6. Jewcy Bits April 14, 2010 at 10:15 pm #

    I always find it amusing to watch guys walk toward the mens room with a newspaper under their arm. At work. Klassy.

  7. teri April 15, 2010 at 8:48 am #

    you’ve been spying on me again, haven’t you?

  8. He Who Laughs Last April 15, 2010 at 9:07 am #

    That’s why I’m glad I work in an office by myself most days…Not because I’m pooping in the stall, but because I don’t want to make eye contact with someone who was pooping in the stall while I was in the one next to them…

  9. Chef Green April 15, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

    What’s the big deal? It’s just poop. Maybe I’m too much of a guy. Just poop and go, I say. Not that I haven’t tried the “secret poop maneuver.” I mean, its just a lot of work….

  10. Skipper Todd April 15, 2010 at 3:54 pm #

    I think the difference between the sexes on this issue is clear. Go into the men’s room after lunch and it sounds like a damn frog pond. Guys will also occasionally comment if some unknown individual make the place unbearably rank (you know, you walk in, get hit in the face with a wall of funk, and go “Jeeezzz, do that at home please!”). We also crack-up audibly if someone lets loose with a particularly amusing stream of flatulence (I am cracking up just thinking about it). And this is all true regardless of whether you know who is in the stall.

    One point of note, when discussing similar issues with a female friend some years ago she was floored to realize that when men go into a stall it is only for one purpose: poop. So if you see a friend/coworker/another dude head into a stall, he is going to drop a deuce. We use the urinals for #1. Women on the other hand, do everything in the stall, so if you pass a girlfriend as you are headed out, you assume she is tinkling because you have to tell yourself that, you do not want to even think about the alternative.

    Side discussion, I do not trust guys who use a stall to take a leak.

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