Archive | April, 2010

Just the Tip Tuesday (04/27/10)

27 Apr

This is my last JTT as a Baltimore resident.  I’ve gone back and forth on whether I should dedicate this one to a Baltimore hotty since I’m leaving, or to a Philly hotty since I’m going there.  If you consider the good old Baltimore boys, it’s not like we have a whole lot.  There’s Edward Norton and Josh Charles and that’s about it.   I know there are other famous dudes from Baltimore, but I wouldn’t let them get near me.  I went through the entire roster of the Orioles.  Know what?  Not one single hot dude.  Not a single one.  That’s a freaking shame.

Then when  you look at Philadelphia, I have no idea who there is.  I do, however, know that Bradley Cooper is currently filming a movie in the city and I will be stalking him like it’s my job.

What to do?

What to do?

So I say goodbye to you, Baltimore.  Good bye to you and your lack of hot dudes that I’d be willing to get near Vangelina Jolie.  Instead, I say hello to you, Philadelphia.  And to you, Chase Utley:

I think I just became a Phillies fan.

You Want Me to Bedazzle My WHAT?

27 Apr

First there was the bikini wax, then there was the Brazilian, now there’s vajazzling.  Have you heard about this??  There’s a disturbing new trend where chicks are shaving down their Vangelina Jolie’s and then bedazzling themselves.  No, there’ not using a hot glue gun, but they are putting shiny things near their no no’s.

I can see the allure of keeping one’s secret flower neat and tidy.  I mean, let’s be honest, who the hell wants to lure a chick out of her panties only to be tangled in an unsightly mess?  Clean it up.  Pubes in the mouth is a total killer.  I get it.  I hear you.  But adding crystals to it.  Really?  Don’t quite get that.  I guess someone might think it’s kind of sexy because it’s a surprise, but I don’t know a single dude that would say, “Yeah, I want my girl to throw money away to put shiny little things on her junk that will just get tangled everywhere and end up in the bedsheets.”  Who does that?

So I ask you: what’s your take on vajazzling?

Close Your Mouth and LISTEN

26 Apr

I don’t know whether to get my mother a hearing aid or to throttle her.  Right now, I’m leaning more towards the throttling.  She does this wicked super awesome thing where she asks me my plans for the week and then either ignores me, forgets, or can’t hear so she keeps asking me.

Tonight is girls’ night with several of my friends.  We’re hitting up one of my all time favorite places, Woodberry Kitchen (so good).  The plans were made a few weeks ago and I know that I’ve told her at least six times.  Yesterday was the fifth time.  I contained myself when she asked me if I could come over and I told her (AGAIN) that I was going to Woodberry Kitchen with my friends.

This morning we went through the entire conversation again.

  • Mom: Can you come over tonight to [insert some lame chore that I’d rather gouge out my left eye than doing]?
  • Me: No, I have plans.
  • Mom: You do?
  • Me: Yes, I do.  We’ve talked about this.
  • Mom: [annoyed] No we haven’t, this is the first time I’ve heard of anything.
  • Me: Are you serious?
  • Mom: YES!  And you know what, if you don’t want to do [lame chore] you don’t have to make things up.  You can just tell me you don’t want to do it.
  • Me: Mom, I told you over a week ago that I was going out with my girlfriends.
  • Mom: [seriously annoyed] No, you did not.  This is the first I’m hearing of it.
  • Me: No it isn’t, we have talked about this before.  I’m going to Woodberry Kitchen.
  • Mom: Oh, that’s right.  I forgot.

Protected: The Height of Lame

24 Apr

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Protected: Jumping Ship

23 Apr

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Protected: The Evidence

22 Apr

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Protected: Bad Decision Blvd.

22 Apr

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