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Your Laughing Makes Me Want to Hurt You

24 Mar

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when someone laughs you can totally tell that they he/she is dying to have you ask why they’re laughing?  The laugh doesn’t sound authentic, there’s something strange about it.  You just know that the person is waiting for you to say, “What’s so funny?” so they can share a stupid story with you.

LW (Long Winded) has currently been doing that for the last half hour.  I REFUSE to ask her what’s so funny because I know that she will begin telling me a story that is:

  1. Not even remotely funny
  2. Completely pointless
  3. Totally boring
  4. Longer than John Holmes – and not in a good way.

Perhaps I need to put my headphones back on.  Her fake laugh is distracting me from my important job of researching the latest celebrity gossip and catching up on my blog reading.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

24 Mar

Hairy McBacksweat was really stupid, and yet I thought it a good idea to date him anyway.  I like to think I was fat and going through hard times when we dated.  That seems the only way that I can accept how retarded I was for going out with him.

Disgusting.  I believe I mentioned that he was a sweaty kind of guy.  I distinctly remember that he would attach himself to me when we slept.  One night, he sweat right through my flannel pajamas.  Disgusting.

And stupid.  I want you to look at this movie poster and tell me what the name of the movie is:

If you said “Mulholland Doctor,” then you are as stupid as he was.  It’s “Mulholland Drive,” people.  What the hell is a Mulholland doctor?  There’s no such thing.

Last time I checked, we refer to doctors as Dr. So-and-so, not So-and-so Dr.  I can just imagine him driving down the street pulling up to some street and wondering why the sign was announcing a doctor.  Key Dr. would mean Key doctor. 

Stupid.

Crystal Clear

24 Mar

When I look at this picture of James McAvoy, one thing is crystal clear: he totally wants to do me.

Let’s stop playing these foolish games, James.  It’s starting to get pathetic.