I Don’t Wear My Sunglasses At Night But I’m Still Lame

15 Mar

At 36 I have lost my desire to spend Friday nights in a crowded bar filled with drunkards who step on my feet, spill their drinks on me, and slur their words.  I spent plenty of my younger years dealing with such shenanigans, and even being one of those lame ass drunkards.  In my old age, it’s just gotten lame and I find the allure of my couch far too appealing to pass up sometimes.  Dragging myself to a bar on a Friday night is difficult.  I work all week, and I get tired.  Lame?  Probably, but I have something even lamer to share with you.

This is about as lame as lame gets…

This past Friday night I made plans to go out with my friends.  I even managed to coerce Jewcy Bits into attending.  She, in turn, coerced her boyfriend and his brother, Corey Hart, to come along.  Why do we call him Corey Hart?  Easy: because he fucking wore his sunglasses in the bar.  At night-time.  And it was dark.  It was pretty hilarious when Jewcy Bits would introduce him to people and she’d say, “Have you met Corey Hart?”  Comedy.  At one point, I think she even called him the white Stevie Wonder.  Even more hilarious.

Yes, he was lame.  But I have something lamer…

I was the first one on the scene arriving 30 minutes before anyone else.  The thought of walking into the bar on my own gives me anxiety.  Instead, I sat in my car in the parking lot waiting for everyone else.  While there, I listened to an audio book.  That’s right people.  I hid in my car in the parking lot.

I am even lamer than Corey Hart.

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18 Responses to “I Don’t Wear My Sunglasses At Night But I’m Still Lame”

  1. Alixandra Hice March 15, 2010 at 11:58 am #

    Sad. Very very sad. And oh so funny.

    XO

    I’m so ashamed. -CS

  2. Del-V March 15, 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    That’s not lame. At least you left the house. I spent Friday night on-line ordering a Russian bride. She should be here in 4 to 6 weeks. Shipping and handling is very, very expensive.

    I hope they poke holes in the box so you can poke the hole in her box. -CS

  3. Wynn March 15, 2010 at 1:35 pm #

    I get you. Totally.

    We are so cool. -CS

  4. ME IN MD March 15, 2010 at 2:11 pm #

    Where do u even go in this town anymore where everyone isnt in their early 20’S?????

    Everywhere sucks ass. We went to Canton Field House and it was crazy busy. Stupid Maryland game. -CS

  5. Heather March 15, 2010 at 2:16 pm #

    This has nothing to do with your post, I am just waxing nostalgic about Pistols at Dawn. I wish he’d come back to the blogosphere. If you are still in contact with him, tell him his “fans” are still sad he went away. I used to read your blog, then his, in that order, most days. *sigh*

    Now THAT’S lame.

    Believe it or not I do keep in touch with him – sporadically. I will pass it along that you miss him. Maybe he’ll come back one day. I hate it when people go out and get a life. -CS

  6. Skylers Dad March 15, 2010 at 2:39 pm #

    Because I am naturally a punctual person, I am always the one sitting at a place waiting for everyone else. I hate it.

    You and I would end up sitting together waiting for everyone else. -CS

  7. Bucky March 15, 2010 at 2:56 pm #

    That might not be lame…what was the audio book you were listening to?

    The audio book is REALLY awesome. It’s called Trouble by Jesse Kellerman. The chick in it has to be the craziest character ever written. EVER! -CS

  8. maria March 15, 2010 at 3:34 pm #

    You’re not lame I do that too.. I think it has something to do with being in our 30’s ( Im 36 as well) When I was in my 20’s bars were “the” place to be. Now its like eh whats the big deal??

    Not wanting to hang out in a bar isn’t lame. Sitting in the parking lot totally is. -CS

  9. Andrew March 15, 2010 at 4:04 pm #

    On the lame-o-meter this is fairly mild. Now yellow mustangs, they are truly lame. Going out with Pistols and not being groped, that’s incredibly lame. This ? Meh..

    Why must you remind me of such horrible moments? -CS

  10. Emily March 15, 2010 at 4:56 pm #

    Yes, I’m totally over the bar scene. And I too am usually the first one there. I hate it that my friends are perpetually late and make me look like the loser without any friends. There’s got to be a better way to mingle and meet people! Let’s resurrect game night!

    Go, game night! I’m so up for that.

    My friends aren’t late. I was just wicked early. I used to hang out with someone that was perpetually late, but don’t talk at all anymore. -CS

  11. Red March 15, 2010 at 5:13 pm #

    Don’t feel lame, CS. You know I couldn’t keep up with you.

    However, I have a boyfriend who doesn’t really like partying or staying up late, either. Life is good. But I’m not saying that to lord it over you. There’s a lid for every pot. You’ll find yours.

    Where’s my damn lid?? -CS

  12. Bored Housewife March 15, 2010 at 10:33 pm #

    Dude, I do that all the time. Except I listen to NPR and play solitaire on my iPod. In fact, I played solitaire through the entire opening act of the concert that I went to on Saturday. Because I’m OLD.

    I heart NPR AND I love Bejeweled on my iPhone. -CS

  13. mommasunshine March 16, 2010 at 5:17 am #

    Omg. “White Stevie Wonder” made me snort RIGHT out loud.

    That Jewcy Bits is hilarious. She really is. -CS

  14. BeckEye March 16, 2010 at 6:43 am #

    Hahahaha. I used to be like that but over the years I’ve become comfortable just being with myself somewhere.

    I enjoy my own company from time to time. But not in a parked car outside of a bar. -CS

  15. Scope March 16, 2010 at 8:08 am #

    He was going for “Terminator” and failed. Epically.

    Over from BeckEye’s – Congrats on your win.

    Ahahaha! -CS

  16. HookdnTX March 16, 2010 at 9:47 am #

    I can one up you, I am the girl who is perpetually early and I always have a book in hand. So I am the loser reading and drinking AT the bar.

    You’re right, sometimes winning isn’t winning.

    Oh! A book is a great idea!! -CS

  17. Sooz March 17, 2010 at 12:26 am #

    I hate walking into anywhere alone like that too…..

    I just hate hanging around by myself when everyone else is there with a bunch of people. It stinks. -CS

  18. Mimi March 22, 2010 at 9:03 pm #

    Not lame. I won’t even walk into the bar first with a group of friends…

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