Archive | 11:36 am

I Don’t Wear My Sunglasses At Night But I’m Still Lame

15 Mar

At 36 I have lost my desire to spend Friday nights in a crowded bar filled with drunkards who step on my feet, spill their drinks on me, and slur their words.  I spent plenty of my younger years dealing with such shenanigans, and even being one of those lame ass drunkards.  In my old age, it’s just gotten lame and I find the allure of my couch far too appealing to pass up sometimes.  Dragging myself to a bar on a Friday night is difficult.  I work all week, and I get tired.  Lame?  Probably, but I have something even lamer to share with you.

This is about as lame as lame gets…

This past Friday night I made plans to go out with my friends.  I even managed to coerce Jewcy Bits into attending.  She, in turn, coerced her boyfriend and his brother, Corey Hart, to come along.  Why do we call him Corey Hart?  Easy: because he fucking wore his sunglasses in the bar.  At night-time.  And it was dark.  It was pretty hilarious when Jewcy Bits would introduce him to people and she’d say, “Have you met Corey Hart?”  Comedy.  At one point, I think she even called him the white Stevie Wonder.  Even more hilarious.

Yes, he was lame.  But I have something lamer…

I was the first one on the scene arriving 30 minutes before anyone else.  The thought of walking into the bar on my own gives me anxiety.  Instead, I sat in my car in the parking lot waiting for everyone else.  While there, I listened to an audio book.  That’s right people.  I hid in my car in the parking lot.

I am even lamer than Corey Hart.