When Did I Get Hired at Geek Squad?

5 Mar

My mother is technologically retarded.  It took us two years to teach her how to use email, and three months for her to learn how to use Skype.  Half the time I wonder if she’s just not trying because she likes harassing my sister and me, or if she’s really that dense.

Anytime she has a problem with her computer or her iPhone she immediately calls me.  She then proceeds to get pissed off when I can’t help her.  She doesn’t seem to understand that I need to see the computer and fool around with it before I can figure out what the hell is wrong with it.

I have encouraged her to play around with her macbook to get familiar with it. I should have known better.  The other day she changed her screen resolution and she can’t figure out how to fix it.  Another time she turned off her wifi and it took me 20 minutes to walk her through the steps of going to the wireless router, looking for the PIN, and turning it back on.  Every time one of these phone calls comes in I immediately want to bang my head on my desk until I bleed.

This morning she called me at work because her printer was jacked up:

  • Mom: The printer isn’t working.
  • Catherinette: Um…okay.
  • Mom: Can you fix it?
  • Catherinette: What’s it doing?
  • Mom: When I try to print something only a white piece of paper comes out.
  • Catherinette: Um…I don’t know why it’s doing that.
  • Mom: Why is there no ink?  There’s ink in the printer.
  • Catherinette: I don’t know.  I’d have to look at the printer.
  • Mom: [getting angry] Can’t you just tell me what to look at?
  • Catherinette: Mom, I don’t know without looking at the printer why it’s not working.
  • Mom: What could it be?
  • Catherinette: It could be any number of things.  The cartridge is in wrong, the cables are jacked, the default isn’t set up, there’s something wrong with the document.  Do you want me to go on?
  • Mom: I don’t care for your attitude.
  • Catherinette: Mom, I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to tell you.  I have to look at the computer and the printer to figure it out.
  • Mom: Can you come over?
  • Catherinette: Now?
  • Mom: Yes.  I need to print this out today.
  • Catherinette: No, mom.  I’m at work.  I can’t come over now.
  • Mom: [angry] FINE! I’ll just figure it out myself.  You always help your friends but you can’t help your own mother.
  • Catherinette: Mom, I’m sorry, I just don’t know enough about your printer to tell you how to fix it.
  • Mom: Whatever.
  • Catherinette:  Why are you angry with me?
  • Mom: Because of your attitude.

 $50 says she hung up with me and immediately called my sister.


12 Responses to “When Did I Get Hired at Geek Squad?”

  1. Michelle March 5, 2010 at 11:55 am #

    HAHAHAHA!!! Sounds like my mother!

    • Catherinette March 5, 2010 at 11:58 am #

      Why must mom’s be like that? -CS

  2. Moiii March 5, 2010 at 11:56 am #

    I feel for ya Cath. My MIL is 73 and sees me as her personal techno guru. My problem is she lives about 4 hours away, so there’s no option to go over and see. She’s had to go to Best Buy a couple of times for help, I really feel for those guys!

    • Catherinette March 5, 2010 at 11:58 am #

      Oh, God. I can only imagine what she must have put those Best Buy guys through… -CS

  3. Red March 5, 2010 at 3:25 pm #

    The only person I can see taking that bet is your sister if, in fact, your mom did not immediately call her. But the smart money says she did.

  4. Mel March 6, 2010 at 1:18 pm #

    Sounds like convos I have with my dad – and he lives 1,300 miles away from me. Classic! Loved this post.

  5. Amadeo March 8, 2010 at 5:00 pm #

    Better get that attitude in check.

  6. jman March 8, 2010 at 7:05 pm #

    Of course maybe she had already called your sister!

  7. Allie March 9, 2010 at 11:30 pm #

    Oh God, this sounds like my aunt and I. She doesn’t get angry with me, it’s more like I just get frustrated and I’m like “See, it’s like this, Aunt. Only people under the age of 40 are allowed to use Facebook and YouTube. That’s why it’s not working for you. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is.”

    Currently, her Netflix is on the fritz when she tries to watch something on her computer. I asked if she’s defragmented or cleaned her disk recently, or if she’s renewed her anti-spy software, etc… I heard crickets on the other end of the line for about 45 seconds before she said “Do I buy a special program for all of that?”


  8. Melissa March 13, 2010 at 11:32 pm #

    Ahh! My mother does this all the time, except as with all things her, she goes way beyond the confines of a simple boxed and gift-wrapped title. Nay, she calls whenever she doesn’t feel like using her brain or reaching for her own computer to look something up, or whatever else she can muster enough energy to be irritating over.

    Her latest is calling once a week not to say a quick hello and tell me that she loves me, but to ask if I can google or mapquest something for her. The best part is how she starts and ends the conversation:

    Hi, are you near your computer
    Ok, I’m busy. Gotta go. Bye.

    And that is the woman I learned how to be a mother from. God save my children.

  9. Emily March 15, 2010 at 4:54 pm #

    LOL! I know it’s frustrating, but that’s a hilarious story.

    My dad once called me at work and had me walk him through cutting and pasting something from one document to another. It took about 20 minutes.
    Me: Select the text you want to copy
    Him: Select? What the…? How do I select it?!?!

    and so on.

    I hope we will be rewarded in heaven for our good deeds. Or at least maybe it will counteract some of the bad ones.

  10. Les duLunch March 20, 2010 at 10:29 am #

    Wow, I think you’ve just found the sibling that my father-in-law is convinced his parents sold (yeah, he really does). Just before my in-laws moved last year, he called me at work and said, “I’ve been removing all the programs from my computer, because I know I won’t be able to use them when we move.”

    “Why is that?” I was silly enough to ask.

    “Well, we have to switch from Comcast to Southern Bell when we move.”

    I just replaced the whole thing. it was easier to answer all the new computer questions I knew he would have. It also wasn’t worth the confusion it would cause if I tried to tell him that there hasn’t been a “Southern Bell” for almost twenty years.

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