You Are A Disgusting Pig and You Should Be Punished

1 Mar

I’m a geek at heart.  I listen to NPR, I have a mad crush on Ira Glass, and sometimes for kicks I watch Nova.  The one thing I won’t do is listen to Car Talk.  Those guys are annoying as sin and the only people that like them are the same ones that like to lecture people about the difference between the original Star Trek and The Next Generation.  (That’s right, Foxy, that was a total dig on you.)

Another geeky habit I have is listening to audio books on car trip.  No, I don’t listen to stupid self help books or anything that Oprah has on her reading list.  I prefer to listen to a good mystery.  It makes the time go by so much faster.

As luck would have it, I’m going to be trapped in my car for about four to five hours tomorrow.  Why?  It doesn’t matter, trust me, you don’t care.  What you do care about is the disgusting pig that was at the library this afternoon when I went to pick up my audio book.  Yes, I go to the library – another thing that makes me a geek.

There I was, minding my own business while perusing the shelves for just the right audio book when my innocent ears were assaulted by a disgusting pig.  This guy had to be in his mid 40’s and could easily stand to fast for at least two weeks.  He was either waiting for a computer to become available, or he was resting because the act of looking for a book was too exhausting for him (lazy pig).  He was sitting ten feet away, quietly sweating in his chair, when all of a sudden he burped.

Wait, let me rephrase that, it wasn’t a burp, it was a belch.  A BELCH!  A loud belch that shook the floor.  For a second I thought that we were about to face the same type of natural disaster recently experienced in Haiti and Chile.  His belch was so loud that it shook the floor.  “Disgusting,” I said out loud.  In response, he belched louder.  I quickly moved away for fear that he might do it again and that he might throw up on him.  A normal person doesn’t burp like that.  This one sounded like something was going to burst forth from his body: like a fucking dragon or the Grim Reaper himself.

You know the worst part?  Even though I had moved further away, I could actually smell the burp.  That, my friends, is fucking nasty.


14 Responses to “You Are A Disgusting Pig and You Should Be Punished”

  1. Julie March 1, 2010 at 9:45 pm #

    ew. ew. EW!!!!!!!!

    ps i love audiobooks!

  2. mommasunshine March 1, 2010 at 9:48 pm #

    Um wow. And ew.

    Sometimes the humans, they disgust me.

  3. Bored Housewife March 1, 2010 at 10:01 pm #

    I use the library all the time, even download audio books onto my iPod, and I am not a geek. And though I’ve never watched an episode of Star Trek, any generation, I have at times enjoyed car talk. Okay, I am a geek.

    Missed you!

  4. Skylers Dad March 1, 2010 at 10:54 pm #

    Hey, I’m sorry about that. The double bean burrito after the crab cakes wasn’t such a great idea.

  5. Foxy Luv March 2, 2010 at 9:42 am #

    You totally asked for his digits, didn’t you? Cop to it!

  6. Amadeo March 2, 2010 at 9:43 am #

    It was a mating call.

  7. HookdnTX March 2, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    Maybe his superpower is the ability to knock buildings over with a single belch?

    ps I am a library geek as well, beats the hell out of paying for books since I read so darn fast that I go through a paperback about every 2 days.

  8. kathcom March 2, 2010 at 12:06 pm #

    Gross. I saw an old woman pushing a shopping cart in Walgreen’s and she farted so loud and hard that I was surprised it didn’t propel her forward into the next aisle.

  9. Emily March 2, 2010 at 3:07 pm #

    Absolutely disgusting! Loved your description “could easily stand to fast for at least two weeks.” Ha.

  10. skinni March 2, 2010 at 3:35 pm #

    Ew. That sounds like the same kind of talent that makes you wish you were blind when they get up and show their a$$ crack to the whole library.

  11. Friday March 3, 2010 at 1:24 pm #


  12. evenrant March 3, 2010 at 2:42 pm #

    The public library is where bums go to warm up and surf the web for porn. What did you expect?

  13. Debralee March 4, 2010 at 11:24 am #

    YUCK…double YUCK. Men are pigs….the noise, the hair, the pee everywhere. Why we love them, only the Great Spirit knows…I for one, love having a house of just females for now. You should have kicked his ass!

  14. Kim W. April 17, 2010 at 10:14 am #

    My roommate belches so loud that my eardrums hurt. His belches sound like a foghorn.

    I’m female…and I’d never belch like he does (he doesn’t think it’s nasty).


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