Archive | March, 2010

I’ll Be BAAACK!

31 Mar

Just the Tip Tuesday (03/30/10)

30 Mar

Apparently, I live in a bubble.  Who knew that the world was full of hot athletes and hot men that do manly things?  I feel like a whole new world has opened itself up to me.  One thing I’ve learned this month is that I need to spend more time watching sports: especially race car driving.

Does that count as a sport?  Me not know.

What I do know is that I am suddenly a fan of Formula One racing, mainly because Jenson Button is a hot piece of man meat:

Is he young?  Not that young, though still younger than I am.  He’s old enough to know, and that’s what matters to me.  He’s also old enough and skilled enough to be the McLaren Mercedes driver for Britain’s Formula One.  Hot and with an accent?  SOLD!

I do believe I feel the need for speed.

I Showed You Mine, Now You HAVE To Show Me Yours

29 Mar

It’s kind of shocking how we put so many restrictions on what teachers can and cannot do in a classroom. Things have changed a lot since I was in school.

The other day while I was at lunch with Mr. Magoo and crew I was sharing a story of something that happened to me when I was in first grade.  A douche little kid whose name I have forgotten ran up to me, and lifted my dress – exposing my glorious underpants to the whole school.  I cried, like a baby, because I was one.  I told my teacher and she took matters into her own hands.

She called him into the classroom and told him that as punishment, he had to drop his pants and show me his underpants.  I clearly remember the look of horror on his face.  I also remember how please I was that he had to suffer like he had made me suffer.  We were in a classroom, just the three of us, but I do remember some of the kids trying to peer into the room to get a look at what was going on.

Little Dicky Douche Bag never bothered me again.

The Story of Lucy

26 Mar

Those of you that follow this blog know that I’m a sucker for NPR and have a geek crush on This American Life’s Ira Glass.  It’s through This American Life (TAL) that I gut sucked into Radio Lab.

A few weeks ago, TAL did a story on a chimp called Lucy.  It’s a remarkable story about a chimp that was raised by humans.  At birth Lucy is “adopted” by a psychiatrist and a social worker who want to raise Lucy as close to a human as possible.  She learns to communicate, she eats with a utensils, she dresses herself, etc.  As she grows up, she becomes too much to handle and her “parents” decide to set her free and take her to Africa to transition.

When she gets there, she has a terribly difficult time, and one of her handlers, Janis tries to help her.  Janis ends up spending years trying to help Lucy acclimate to the wild.  In fact, Janis never returns to the United States.

The story is riveting and has a tragic ending. 

If you have an hour to spare, you can listen to the story here.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and reapply my make up because I have mascara all over my face from crying.

Protected: Mexican Food is Not THAT Complicated

25 Mar

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Your Laughing Makes Me Want to Hurt You

24 Mar

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when someone laughs you can totally tell that they he/she is dying to have you ask why they’re laughing?  The laugh doesn’t sound authentic, there’s something strange about it.  You just know that the person is waiting for you to say, “What’s so funny?” so they can share a stupid story with you.

LW (Long Winded) has currently been doing that for the last half hour.  I REFUSE to ask her what’s so funny because I know that she will begin telling me a story that is:

  1. Not even remotely funny
  2. Completely pointless
  3. Totally boring
  4. Longer than John Holmes – and not in a good way.

Perhaps I need to put my headphones back on.  Her fake laugh is distracting me from my important job of researching the latest celebrity gossip and catching up on my blog reading.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

24 Mar

Hairy McBacksweat was really stupid, and yet I thought it a good idea to date him anyway.  I like to think I was fat and going through hard times when we dated.  That seems the only way that I can accept how retarded I was for going out with him.

Disgusting.  I believe I mentioned that he was a sweaty kind of guy.  I distinctly remember that he would attach himself to me when we slept.  One night, he sweat right through my flannel pajamas.  Disgusting.

And stupid.  I want you to look at this movie poster and tell me what the name of the movie is:

If you said “Mulholland Doctor,” then you are as stupid as he was.  It’s “Mulholland Drive,” people.  What the hell is a Mulholland doctor?  There’s no such thing.

Last time I checked, we refer to doctors as Dr. So-and-so, not So-and-so Dr.  I can just imagine him driving down the street pulling up to some street and wondering why the sign was announcing a doctor.  Key Dr. would mean Key doctor. 

Stupid.

Crystal Clear

24 Mar

When I look at this picture of James McAvoy, one thing is crystal clear: he totally wants to do me.

Let’s stop playing these foolish games, James.  It’s starting to get pathetic.