Oh, Mom. You’re So Cute When You’re Being Stupid.

21 Feb

We have this weird thing we do in our family: we have decided that food poisoning does not scare us.  For years we have left food out of the fridge for days and continued to eat it.  Christmas turkey?  It’ll sit on the counter for an entire week before there’s even talk of putting the food away.  Why?  Because it’s relatively cold and we don’t think we’re going to get sick.

Nine times out of ten when I make soup or stew I’ll let it sit in the pot on the stove for at least a day before it goes in the fridge.  After all, the cover is on so it’s not exactly like it’s going to go bad in 37 seconds.  Or even 37 hours.  Dairy products?  Unless it’s really super hot, we don’t mind leaving them out for awhile.  Screw that stupid rule about putting dairy away within four hours.

FOOD POISONING, WE DO NOT FEAR YOU!

But even I draw the line at some point.  This morning while I was at my mom’s I was scolding her for not having any milk for my coffee.  She informed me that there was some Coffee Mate in the fridge so I started poking around.  I took one look at it, recognized that it was decorated with Christmas tree ornaments and new that it was WAY past it’s expiration date.  I insisted that we should throw it away immediately if not sooner.

  • Mom: No, it isn’t!  It’s fine.
  • Catherinette: No, mom, it’s bad.
  • Mom: It’s not.  It’s fine, it hasn’t been opened.
  • Catherinette: It’s so old!  I’ll die if I drink any of it.
  • Mom: Check the label.  It’s fine.
  • Catherinette: It expired on February 28th…of 2008.
  • Mom: Oh, really?  Why don’t you just open it and check it.
  • Catherinette: Are you serious??  It expired almost two years ago and you want me to freaking drink it? What the hell is wrong with you?
  • Mom: Fine, then I’ll just put it back in the fridge.  Someone will drink it.
  • Catherinette: Seriously?  You think someone is going to see that it’s two years old and they’re going to think, “Yeah, it’s fine?”
  • Mom: Sure.  Why not?
  • Catherinette: Really, mom?  Who might that be?
  • Mom: Fine!

She then proceeded to lecture me on being wasteful as she poured the contents down the sink.  Shockingly enough, it wasn’t chunky.  It did, however, smell like minty dirt.  This, my mom insisted, was perfectly normal.

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9 Responses to “Oh, Mom. You’re So Cute When You’re Being Stupid.”

  1. OG February 21, 2010 at 9:31 pm #

    This post was incredible. My mother does the same thing. There’s V8 in my parents cabinet where the vegetable part has seperated from water part, but she freaks out when I try to throw it away.

  2. Sharon February 21, 2010 at 9:42 pm #

    I think your mom has been leaving things in my fridge too! I was wondering how that package of something I don’t recognize got in there!

  3. LyN February 21, 2010 at 10:49 pm #

    oh my, thanks for sharing! this is hilarious! my mom is definitely not like that, but i believe it’s pretty ok to keep things for a certain period of time. but not too long like 2 years back. LOL!

  4. foxy luv February 22, 2010 at 4:07 am #

    My mom is the same way. She has eggs in her fridge from the Clinton administration – nasty.

  5. Del-V February 22, 2010 at 8:37 am #

    Yuck!

  6. HookdnTX February 22, 2010 at 11:00 am #

    My grandmother also has no fear of food poisoning. She IS a fan of putting stuff in the fridge but its usually in the container it was cooked in and covered with parcement paper and a rubberband. Often time, the leftovers are heated and reheated 3-4 times because she NEVER throws stuff out. I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten ill from thirce cooked meatloaf.

  7. Julie February 22, 2010 at 2:23 pm #

    omg i’m SUPER paranoid about food poisoning. I get made fun of for it bc it’s almost to the point of being OCD. I don’t eat things once they’ve been in the fridge over 2 days. blech

  8. teri February 24, 2010 at 8:07 pm #

    I think I saw some of these people on Hoarders. Nasty. There’s an expiration date for a reason, people.

  9. Mox February 26, 2010 at 6:16 pm #

    Dude, my family is the same way about eating things left out for several hours. The food could turn brown or glazed over with a fine film. It’s ag, we say, and stir the nasty away before shoveling a heap onto our plates. Totes grosses Hubs out. I find it rather hysterical. But 2 years? That is fucking hilarious.

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