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29 Jan

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29 Jan

I’m considering putting up a sign like that in my car.  No, I’m not looking for someone to help me reset the peen counter*.  Rather, I’m looking for a date. 

Last Friday I received the invitation to Un-boyfriend’s wedding.  It shocked me to see that they had made it out to Catherinette Singleton and Guest.  AND GUEST??  What the fuck is that about??  I never take an “and Guest” to a wedding anymore.  In fact, about half the time that I used to take “and Guest” to a wedding, it was Un-boyfriend.  Pretty damn sure he’s going to be unavailable to go with me to his own wedding.

I immediately sent a text message to Claude because I knew that he and I would have a JOYOUS time there.  Mainly because we could mock the bride and everyone else.  Well guess what?  That dirty bastard already has plans.  God damn it, Claude.  GOD DAMN IT!!

You know what I realized?  I have ZERO single male friends that I want to go with.  Not.  One.  Single.  One.  NONE! 

So what the fuck am I supposed to do?  Of all the weddings in the world, this is one that I’d really like to go to with some handsome stud on my arm.  So, fine readers, I turn to you.  Help a sister out here: help me find that handsome, charming stud who will mock the bride with me. 

Who the hell am I going to take??

*OK, who am I kidding?  I’m ALWAYS looking for someone to help me reset that damn counter.  Every second that ticks by is one second closer to me being an old maid.  I think I need to get myself a bonnet and I need to learn how to knit.  Don’t old maids do those kinds of things?  Hmm…might have to start getting into “The View” and “Matlock” too.