God Damn It, Mom. God Damn It.

21 Dec

My mother is one of those people that’s impossible to shop for.  If you ask her what she wants, she’ll tell you the same thing every year: “Nothing.  Save your money.  I don’t need anything.”  My sister and I try to work her over to get her to tell us one thing that she wants, she insists she wants nothing, so we end up getting her crap.  I do have to admit, however, that last year I got her some kick ass gifts, one of which included front row tickets to Mama Mia (on Broadway) which she was dying to see.

This year I had it all planned out: I would buy her the laptop sleeve that she’s been looking for since she bought her macbook last year.  I looked high and low and finally settled on a lovely handmade one that I found on Etsy.  I shelled out the big bucks, ordered it, and pat myself on my back.  (Is it pat or patted?  I don’t know)

It was all going super well right up until yesterday – when my mother decided to buy herself a $275 Burberry laptop case.  Um, how on earth am I supposed to compete with a Burberry case??  DAMN IT!!

This is exactly what she did 3 years ago when she kept telling my sister she wanted to quilted jacket.  My sister and brother-in-law picked one out from Eddie Bauer, and 3 days before Christmas my mom decided to buy herself one, from Burberry.

Thanks for ruining my kick ass gift idea, mom.  And a very Merry Christmas to you, whore.

On a totally unrelated note, I called my mother a whore yesterday when we were at brunch.  She wasn’t amused.  I could tell by the way that she hit me in the restaurant.  Whore.

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13 Responses to “God Damn It, Mom. God Damn It.”

  1. Del-V December 21, 2009 at 3:14 pm #

    You called your mom a whore?!?! Do you remember that old PSA about parents who do drugs have kids who do drugs? “I learned by watching you, Dad.”

  2. BeckEye December 21, 2009 at 5:58 pm #

    My Dad is exactly the same. “Save your money, grumble grumble grumble.” I bought him an Irish hat that ended up setting me back much more than I expected because I had to pay for FedEx shipping. He better damn well like it.

  3. Skylers Dad December 21, 2009 at 6:16 pm #

    I always bought my mom something very personnel.

    Tampons.

  4. jon December 21, 2009 at 6:51 pm #

    You could always just get her “nada” intead.

  5. Jeanne December 21, 2009 at 8:59 pm #

    Make a donation to a charity in her name. If you’re really pissed, pick a charity she doesn’t like.

  6. Danielle-Lee December 21, 2009 at 11:34 pm #

    LMAO! That is so funny! My hubby does the same shit. I finally gave up buying anything for him, which SUCKS because I love to have a well-thought out and thoughtful gift for people I care about, ya know?
    I’d call my mom a whore too, if I wasn’t afraid she would knock me into next week.
    (I am here through Moxie Mama’s site, btw.)

  7. seine December 21, 2009 at 11:41 pm #

    when i drop hints about what i want within a couple of months of the holidays, i wait until after the holidays before i buy anything on my own … your mother didn’t get that memo, huh? or else, she’s just super impatient 🙂

  8. Kate December 22, 2009 at 7:55 am #

    Ah family are such a pain to buy for. I feel the pain!

    Kate x

  9. Dani December 22, 2009 at 11:21 pm #

    Obviously, you are not picking up on your mother’s hint to only buy her things from Burberry.

  10. dk December 23, 2009 at 10:41 am #

    Note to self: If Burberry’s has a version of what you’re going to purchase. Doooon’t doooo it!!!!

    Marriage is licensed whoredom and the priests are pimps.

    Yes, I said it.

  11. Elisabeth December 25, 2009 at 11:01 pm #

    I hate it when that happens!!

  12. Amadeo December 28, 2009 at 2:02 pm #

    I got my mother an amazon gift card. She always buys cool stuff before I can think of it. She buys things and they sit around. Do you have any idea how many blu-ray movies she has that aren’t even open yet. I think she has the ability to browse and order from amazon in her head…so I figure I’ll just pay for the next thing.

  13. Mox December 29, 2009 at 11:59 pm #

    Well, I just so happen to LOVE it when you call ME a whore. Just sayin’. And I love that you noticed I spelled poop with a capital P. I am just that fancy. Oh, and your dog is very cute. I don’t know if you could top Nipples for a nickname. Can’t wait to see what you come up with.

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