For You to Poop (and Pee) On

14 Dec

My sister’s dog, Nipples, is a bad little dog.  A very bad little dog.  She’s a rescue dog.  It’s really a heart warming story of how they ended up together, but this post isn’t about that.  Instead, it’s about how I might turn to violence against Nipples and/or my sister.  My horrible wretched sister.  Whore.

My brother-in-law’s grandmother died recently, and my sister asked if I could watch Nipples while they’re out of town.  Like a sucker, I said yes.  I said yes knowing that Nipples was a hateful little creature and that my sister likes to take advantage of people.  Man, I’m so nice sometimes.  And by “nice” I mean “a total sucker.” 

I’ve been there less than 24 hours and I’m already to kick some dogs.

  1. I walked in the house yesterday to discover that Nipples had peed in the dining room.  Right on the hardwood floor.
  2. Went to feed her only to realize that my sister had left enough dog food for one meal.  When I called her to ask her where the rest of her food was she told me she had “forgotten” to go out and buy more food for her.  Let me tell you what that means, she was basically too fucking lazy to go out and get her food and just assumed I would go and do it, and then she wouldn’t pay me back.  Whore.
  3. The fucking TV is on the fritz and they neglected to tell me.  I had to watch the season finale of Dexter on their tiny TV in the bedroom.
  4. I was tired, I was annoyed, and all I wanted to do was sleep.  I pulled back the covers only to realize that they hadn’t changed the sheets before leaving.  My sister thought I’d be stupid enough to think she had just because she made the bed, but there were little finger prints and dirt in the sheets.  My sister is a whore.
  5. Nipples snored the entire fucking night, right next to my head.  All efforts to kick her out of the room failed.
  6. I woke up to find that she had pooped in the dining room.  I realized this when I stepped in it…in bare feet. 

I don’t know who I hate more right now: my sister, or the god damned dog.

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12 Responses to “For You to Poop (and Pee) On”

  1. rojukene December 14, 2009 at 11:22 am #

    It’s not the dog’s fault that your sister never bothered to housetrain him properly 😦 As a rule, dogs try to keep it in (to the point when their bladders are about to explode from pressure) before peeing in the ‘wrong’ place, assuming they’ve been trained. Even when they’re ill. You can’t really blame an animal when its owner has been far too lazy…

    They’ve had the dog for 6 months now. You’d think it would occur to one of them to freaking train her. At this point, she’ll think that the dining room is her personal bathroom forever. -CS

    • rojukene December 14, 2009 at 12:09 pm #

      OMG! 6 months? It may already be too late for the dog to acquire the obedience reflex 😦

      What is she thinking, really? I truly feel sorry for you AND the dog.

      She’s lazy, that’s what she’s thinking. Man I could kick my sister… -CS

  2. Evenrant December 14, 2009 at 11:28 am #

    That dog would be sleeping with the fishes.

    So should my sister. -CS

  3. Michelle December 14, 2009 at 11:49 am #

    That sucks…bad! *HUGS*

    Thanks! I appreciate the sympathy. -CS

  4. Wynn December 14, 2009 at 12:30 pm #

    Omg stepped in it.. I.. I’m sorry. That’s terrible!

    And I laughed, but it’s still terrible.

    Damn you for laughing. DAMN YOU! -CS

  5. Del-V December 14, 2009 at 1:47 pm #

    Once a dog goes inside the house, the house is ruined. Your sister will need to move. That’s sad…

    F that. She still has shit in my basement from when she moved last time – that was over a year ago. -CS

  6. Katrocket December 14, 2009 at 4:04 pm #

    Perhaps the dog hates your sister, too? I know I’d be tempted to shit all over her house if she named me “Nipples”.

    So the dog’s name isn’t really Nipples, we just call her that because she’s very nippley. -CS

  7. jon December 14, 2009 at 6:09 pm #

    I’m wonder if it’s even possible for anything/anyone called “Nipples” to be well behaved?

    Nipples is a rocking name for an animal, and for a small child. -CS

  8. Red December 14, 2009 at 6:20 pm #

    I’m going with your sister.

    To swim with the fishes? -CS

  9. Kristen December 14, 2009 at 10:45 pm #

    Seriously—For the last few months I have enjoyed you, commiserated with you, ranted along with you and felt fantastically snarky with you. So after a really craptastic day at work, I came home and read you (I was a few days behind) and I wanted to take a moment to sing your praises and give you are hearty Thank You! You make me feel so much better!~ This blog is good medicine for the working girl in the big city!

    I’m blushing!! Don’t stop… -CS

  10. Mox December 16, 2009 at 3:50 pm #

    I just have one burning question…did Lucy(fer) name the dog Nipples? That is freaking hilarious.

    Haha. Nipples.

    So now I’M a pimp because I am going to tell you to visit me blog today. You made my post you dirty hooker.

    Check your email, I just made your dreams come true. -CS

    • Mox December 16, 2009 at 6:53 pm #

      Is it really that big of a deal to give me a peek?

      God, it’s not like I’m going to masturbate to it, you whore.

      That being said you are pretty cute. RAWR.

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