Archive | 10:30 am

For You to Poop (and Pee) On

14 Dec

My sister’s dog, Nipples, is a bad little dog.  A very bad little dog.  She’s a rescue dog.  It’s really a heart warming story of how they ended up together, but this post isn’t about that.  Instead, it’s about how I might turn to violence against Nipples and/or my sister.  My horrible wretched sister.  Whore.

My brother-in-law’s grandmother died recently, and my sister asked if I could watch Nipples while they’re out of town.  Like a sucker, I said yes.  I said yes knowing that Nipples was a hateful little creature and that my sister likes to take advantage of people.  Man, I’m so nice sometimes.  And by “nice” I mean “a total sucker.” 

I’ve been there less than 24 hours and I’m already to kick some dogs.

  1. I walked in the house yesterday to discover that Nipples had peed in the dining room.  Right on the hardwood floor.
  2. Went to feed her only to realize that my sister had left enough dog food for one meal.  When I called her to ask her where the rest of her food was she told me she had “forgotten” to go out and buy more food for her.  Let me tell you what that means, she was basically too fucking lazy to go out and get her food and just assumed I would go and do it, and then she wouldn’t pay me back.  Whore.
  3. The fucking TV is on the fritz and they neglected to tell me.  I had to watch the season finale of Dexter on their tiny TV in the bedroom.
  4. I was tired, I was annoyed, and all I wanted to do was sleep.  I pulled back the covers only to realize that they hadn’t changed the sheets before leaving.  My sister thought I’d be stupid enough to think she had just because she made the bed, but there were little finger prints and dirt in the sheets.  My sister is a whore.
  5. Nipples snored the entire fucking night, right next to my head.  All efforts to kick her out of the room failed.
  6. I woke up to find that she had pooped in the dining room.  I realized this when I stepped in it…in bare feet. 

I don’t know who I hate more right now: my sister, or the god damned dog.