An Important Question for All Humanity

6 Nov

Riddle me this, Batman: why on God’s green earth do parents feel it’s important to share the following:

  • Their child has a persistent diaper rash
  • Their kid’s obsession with Oscar the Grouch and or Big Bird
  • The difficulty they’re having in potty training their kid
  • Other boring ass minutiae that NO ONE cares about regarding their child’s runny nose and inability to grasp the concept of the English language

No one cares.  NO ONE!  Stop boring us with these boring tales or I’m going to start telling you all about the 8 hours of sleep I got last night and how I started on the right side of the bed, then rolled over to the middle, then at some point I kicked off the covers, and then I got up to pee in the middle of the night.

Did the knowledge of my slumber improve the quality of your life?  No.  And hearing about your kid’s love for Cheerios is doing nothing for mine. 


11 Responses to “An Important Question for All Humanity”

  1. Michelle November 6, 2009 at 3:03 pm #


  2. Cass November 6, 2009 at 3:05 pm #

    THANK YOU! I have friends who consistently update their Facebook status about whether or not their baby slept through the night. I know you love them and it’s your first but NO ONE CARES. Especially if they just pooped.

  3. jon November 6, 2009 at 3:28 pm #

    I’m keeping my attention on more important matters. Like how long it’s been since you had peen near your goods!

  4. Del-V November 6, 2009 at 4:04 pm #

    Cath & Cass – I also hate reading about their kid’s crap on Facebook. Another Facebook pet peeve – people who put TGIF on their status update EVERY FUCKING FRIDAY like I don’t know what fucking day it is. Another pet peeve of mine – people who say fucking twice in one sentence.

  5. smartypants November 6, 2009 at 6:58 pm #

    I have a kid, and not once have I regaled any of my facebook friends with any of the following: the size of and/or frequency of his turds, that he doesn’t grasp the concept that yogurt and oatmeal are NOT finger foods, or that his weiner is often his toy of choice. NOBODY CARES!!!

    Del-V–I also hate the Humpday and Mo Day reminders, too! UGH! If I weeded through my ‘friends’ with inane status updates I might end up being ‘friends’ with about three people.

  6. Vicki November 6, 2009 at 11:42 pm #

    Some of us have no other life you know! 😛

  7. maria November 7, 2009 at 3:04 am #

    Yah I never got that either and i have kids!! i would rather spend my non child time talking about other things than my kids!! Shoot for the first 5 years of my kids lives I felt like my brain was growing grass for a lack of use!!

  8. angela November 7, 2009 at 9:51 am #

    I have a longstanding rule of not spreading details on fb or to anyone without a child or who does not ask these things: 1) my child’s poop habits or potty training issues, 2) specific details of pregnancy or childbirth (yes, I’ve seen fb status’s about mucus plugs! I’ve given birth and I still think that’s disgusting!)

  9. justatitch November 7, 2009 at 2:39 pm #

    I couldn’t agree more. I freaking hate oversharing about kids!

  10. omchelsea November 7, 2009 at 10:38 pm #

    They’re parents. And…. we’re done.

  11. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles November 17, 2009 at 9:52 pm #

    They’re trying to make this parenting business sound way more interesting than it is in hopes you’ll totally envy them and pop out one of your own so they can stop envying your exciting, independent, child-free existence.

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