Archive | 3:27 pm

I Always Wanted Some Freckles

28 Oct

Un-boyfriend enjoys telling people that he dumped me.  He often neglects to mention that the real reason we broke up is that I didn’t see the relationship going any further and he thought we had a future together.  You say “tomato”, I say “I dumped you.”  Whatever.

The night before we broke up, we were at a huge party and I happened to let this hot red headed guy, let’s call him Freckles, give my hooters a squeeze.  Hey, I was drunk AND had a massive crush on Freckles.  Shockingly enough, that pissed Un-boyfriend off and he proceeded to hang all over me like white on rice.

It’s been 10 years since Un-boyfriend and I broke up and 9 since Freckles moved away.  Yesterday, I got a facebook friend request from Freckles and I swooned the second I got it.  Right after accepting the request, I emailed Un-boyfriend,

You know who just sent me a facebook friend request?  That dude that squeezed my hooters in front of you the night before we broke up.  Man was he hot.  Still can’t see why you got so mad.  It’s not like you and I were dating or anything…oh wait, we were.

He responded back with,

You were a jerkwad that night.  I do remember you wearing some miller lite flashing light thing.  And you wonder why I hate you.  We probably would have lasted longer if I had just thrown some beads at you and yelled at you to show your tits.

Now, how about you make me a taco and while you’re at it, my bathroom needs a good scrub down.  Do it or I’ll report you to immigration.

It’s a wonder we didn’t work out.