Stephanie Meyer Can Suck It

8 Oct

Someone please explain to me why the Twilight series is popular.  Please.

I just don’t get it.  On Lola’s recommendation I started reading the book and quickly determined that it was quite possibly one of the lamest, most boring books that I had ever cracked open.  Night after night I would sit down to try to get through it and could only manage about 5 to 10 pages before the eye rolling over Bella’s stupid behavior gave me a headache.  I made it to the scene where he was glowing in the meadow and I closed the book.  Fuck that, it sucks.  Seriously.

Vampire fiction is supposed to have action, suspense, romance, and (most importantly) a combination of sex and blood – though not at the same time.  Twilight just has teenage hormones, homework, and a beat up pick up truck.  I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing out there that screams out “VAMPIRE”.

I’d take Sookie Stackhouse to Bella the Bore any day of the week.  Oh, and Eric from True Blood is one trillion billion gazillion times hotter than stupid Edward Cullen.

On a related side note, I would totally jump on Taylor Lautner/Kellan Lutz given half the chance.  Granted, I can’t tell them apart and have ZERO idea who is in the picture below, but he has a hot body and mama likey.

kellan-lutz

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19 Responses to “Stephanie Meyer Can Suck It”

  1. BeckEye October 8, 2009 at 1:47 pm #

    I don’t think that’s Taylor Lautner in the pic. My niece had a crush on him ever since he was in that ridiculous “Shark Boy and Lava Girl” thing. I don’t find him hot in the least. Sure, he’s all buff now, but he’s still got his same dumb head.

    Was that him in that movie? Wow, who knew.

    That same dumb head can be covered with a bag. -CS

  2. Mimi October 8, 2009 at 1:58 pm #

    Totally agree. The whole time I was like so when are Bella and Edward going to have sex? Then I realized the book is for adolescents, boo. I watched the movie only bc I think Robert Pattison is hawt along with my lover vampires Bill and Eric. My bf talked forever about how gay the glowing scene was in the movie. You should just check it out to humor yourself.

    I attempted to watch the movie but I found it to be too painful. Especially that once scene. So ridiculously stupid. –
    CS

  3. Nel October 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm #

    THANK YOU!!!!!!!! I cannot even explain how passionate I am about this topic. Twilight can suck it. And Eric from True Blood….oh my gooooodness. I want him. I saw a poll the other day….Eric from True Blood won the award for being the hottest vampire! WOOT!

    Thanks for stopping by today! I am loving your blog!

    He is so freaking hot it’s not even FUNNY! In fact, it should be a crime.

    And thank YOU for stopping by. -CS

  4. jenny October 8, 2009 at 2:46 pm #

    Oh, how i’d like to do him dirty…

    You and me both, sister. -CS

  5. Cynthia October 8, 2009 at 3:15 pm #

    Sorry, I love both Twilight and True Blood.

    Edward is for when I’m feeling ansty…and then Eric is just when I want some debaucherous evil fun! GOD, he is so sexy.

    No, I refuse to accept your lofe for Twilight. I refuse! -CS

  6. Jess October 8, 2009 at 3:26 pm #

    I’m so glad not to be alone in this. Soooo many people I know raved about the book, the series, the movie, blah freakin blah. I watched the movie and thought it blew. I’m not even going to attempt to pick up the book and waste a part of my life I can’t get back. Thanks for being on my side! 🙂

    Trust me, Jess, you are not alone. The book was even worse than the movie. Trust me. Save yourself the agony and don’t read the book. -CS

  7. Carissajaded. October 8, 2009 at 5:34 pm #

    Uhh I don’t get it either. I couldn’t get through this book it was so freaking cheezy. I do, however- have a serious thing for the Ann Rice books. Much, much better!

    At least Anne Rice had dirty sexy things going on in her books. Right up until she decided she was a Christian and stopped writing vampire fiction. -CS

  8. Kimmers October 8, 2009 at 9:40 pm #

    I have to say I love them both, but the Twighlight movie was HORRIBLE, oh my god. Perfect example of a great book becoming a travesty of a movie.

    That being said I’m sure I’ll watch the second one.

    I haven’t read the Sookie Stackhouse books yet. Im afraid they will make me hate the show and ohhhhhhh my god I freaking love that show! Especially now that fucking Mary Anne is off it. Jesus Christ that storyline irritated the shit out of me.

    No!! NOOOOO!! How can you say Twilight was a great book? Absolutely not. NO! -CS

  9. Belle October 8, 2009 at 10:39 pm #

    I’m guilty…. I love Twilight and True Blood. And I was one of those people that made fun of Twilight nerds and insisted it was gay and I would not read it… and then I did. And I was forever changed. HA. Just kidding. But I did really really love it. I would also argue that its for middle aged women more so than teenagers… and trust me, there is sex if you read Book 4. Far away, but that makes it SO much better.
    Enough nerdiness out of me.

    Explain to me why you like it. I just don’t get it. Bella is just a whiny ass teenaged girl and Edward Cullen is a douche bag. I don’t get it.

    [SPOILER ALERT! Stop reading RIGHT NOW if you don’t want to hear what happens in book 4]

    And there’s no way that I buy that whole crap about him getting her pregnant in book 4. Um, he’s dead, so are his swimmers. No. -CS

  10. Tuesday October 9, 2009 at 12:31 am #

    Thank you!! I think they finally figured out a way to infuse the pages of the book with crack. Or maybe hallucinogens. It’s the only possible explanation for why otherwise intelligent (appearing) people can’t put it down.

    I hadn’t thought about that possiblity, but it can be the only rational reason that people want to read it. -CS

  11. hookdntx October 9, 2009 at 9:23 am #

    Hey CS,
    Lautner is under age, fool was born in 1992. Cradle Robber!

    FYI, when that boy is of legal age, I will feel better about having naughty thoughts myself 😉

    He’s old enough to know what the hell he’s doing. Probably not worth a damn in the sack, and I wouldn’t touch him until he was 18. I swear. Even if he offered me all sorts of cash and prizes. -CS

  12. Sharon October 12, 2009 at 4:21 pm #

    I’m on book 3 of the Sookie Stackhouse series, to get me through the long cold winter without Eric, er, I mean, True Blood (I swear, I don’t JUST watch it for Eric…) and I cannot even put it down. I did read the Twilight books, and they were okay, not enough vampire action! Please, someone tell me I wasn’t the only one screaming “Just get it on already” to my book. And then when they did, talk about anticlimactic! And yah, please, not only did he get her pregnant (after like 1 try?!), but it was like a speed pregnancy..

    Now, if Eric wanted to try… Wait. Nevermind. I’m a married woman ; )

    And yah. I LOVE YOUR BLOG.

    Oh, please. You would totally get a pass if Eric wanted to do it. Who cares if you’re married! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity! -CS

    • Dani October 20, 2009 at 10:16 pm #

      I think book 4 is when you get a whole lot of Eric. Sigh. I might have to re-read that one.

  13. Singletude October 13, 2009 at 5:13 pm #

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for injecting some reason into this inexplicable phenom that is the Twilight franchise. Sorry, but that series has no bite! I watched the movie at my friend’s insistence and thought I could take it or leave it. She shoved the book in my hands, and I skimmed through a few chapters but couldn’t bring myself to take it home. (You should never, ever shove teen fantasy/thrillers written on a third grade level into the hands of a New York literary scene snob and expect a positive reception.)

    I don’t even get the Robert Pattinson love. He looks like any of 20 boys running around my neighborhood on a daily basis. Where is the hot?

    I don’t get the Robert Pattinson thing either, he’s freaking dirty and gross. -CS

    • holycowirock October 15, 2009 at 11:43 am #

      I know right, Robert Pattinson looks like a hobo. Take a shower dude.

  14. Amber October 14, 2009 at 12:22 am #

    Twilight was a pretty good book, but they go downhill from there. I’m on the last one right now, however, and I’ll be damned if I’m not finishing them now. Might as well. I thought the movie sucked, though.

    Love True Blood! I’m on my third episode now, getting into it.

    Another good vampire novel I read is Let the Right One In.

    How hot is Jason Stackhouse?? Seriously, talk to me about his hotness. -CS

    • Dani October 20, 2009 at 10:17 pm #

      Just bought Let the Right One In book after I saw the movie. Glad to hear it will not disappoint me.

  15. Shawna October 16, 2009 at 11:27 am #

    Can I just not go to work and stare at this picture all day please? Holy heck, he’s one of fine hunk of underaged eye candy.

  16. Dani October 20, 2009 at 10:17 pm #

    True Blood is the king of all vampire novels and shows. The end.

    Also, wordpress says I am too quick with the typing.

    Jerks.

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