Archive | September, 2009

A Strange Coincidence?

30 Sep

You all know that I have a special place in my heart (and pants) for douche bags.  And you all know that deep down inside you freaking LOVE it when I make some stupid ass decision and then write all about it so you can judge away and hear all about my “interesting” encounter.  Let’s just be clear that by “interesting” I mean “sexual”.

It occurred to me this afternoon that aside from Notebook and 3D having hot bodies AND being douche bags, that they had something else in common.  Both of them have birthdays on Friday.  This leads me to believe that I need to start asking dudes for their birthdays before I ask them to see their peens.  As far as I’m concerned, all men born on October 2nd are officially off limits.

On a side note, I’m going to totally go ahead and assume that Mr. Yellow(ish) Mustang also had a birthday on October 2nd.  It’s just the right thing to do.

Just the Tip Tuesday (09/29/09)

29 Sep

Technically, I have until midnight to get this damned post up, so I’m not missing any deadlines…like I did last week.  But I have a valid excuse for why there was no JTT last week.  You see, first I had to get up at 6:30 in the morning.  Then I had to be at work from 7:30-6 to train some people, and then I had to go out to drink with some of the people in our office.  Plus the mountain air here makes me dizzy and I am busy and important.

BUT I don’t have those excuses this week.  So, for your viewing pleasure, I present this week’s JTT that was suggested by our very own Lola.  Ladies and germs, please to enjoy the fine looks of Joseph Fiennes.


You may know him as the younger (and far hotter brother) of Ralph Fiennes, or as the star of “Shakespeare in Love.”  He’s left his lovely home in Britain to make some fancy TV programming for us in the shape of “Flash Forward.”  The show is pretty freaking good.  The concept behind it is that everyone on earth blacks out for 2 minutes and during that time, they see visions of their own futures – exactly 6 months to the day of the black out.  He plays an agent who is going to be investigating the event.  Hopefully, his investigations will require him to lose his shirt in 90% of the episodes.  Now that makes for some good TV!

The Gossip Hound You Love to Hate

28 Sep

There are moments when I want to give Perez Hilton a giant hug, and other moments that I think we should all boycott his nonsense.  He’s a snarky little bitch that I love to hate.  Kind of like Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington in Dynasty*.

Today was one of those moments when I wanted to wrap my arms around Perez and give him a giant squeeze.  Check out his post about stupid Claire Danes’ nuptials:

After announcingtheir engagement back in February, bitchface actress Claire Danes secretly married gayface actor Hugh Dancy earlier this month at a small ceremony in France.


We give it two years!

I hate Claire Danes. 

Okay, that’s it.  I’ve gotta get back to pretending to be busy and working on the Penske file.

*For those of you younger readers, I’ll give you a more recent reference: Perez Hilton is like Plankton from SpongeBob SquarePants.  I try to appeal to all generations.

Protected: The Minute You Start Resembling Priscilla Presley You’ve Had Too Much Plastic Surgery

28 Sep

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Men: Sweet and Pale

27 Sep

There is no coffee in the house.  This isn’t anything new as I don’t usually make coffee on my own, but I could really use some this morning.  Mainly because I’m trying to study for my grad school class and I have zero interest in doing it (that’s what she said).

I have 2 options: get dressed and run out to buy some coffee then come back home OR get dressed and study at a place that serves coffee.  Both of these options present a major problem – in each case I’m required to get dressed.  And I don’t know about you, but sometimes on Sundays the last thing that I want to do is get out of my pajamas and put real clothes on.  It just seems like a waste of time.

Oh, and I do want to point out that neither of those options mentioned anything about a shower.  That’s just not going to happen today.  F that noise.

So, what to do?  I need some coffee god damn it! 

Will no one take pity on me and bring me some stupid coffee?  Ugh, this is one of the reasons that it sucks to be single.  If I was dating someone, I could coerce him into going to get me some coffee and bringing it home for me.  The coercion would probably include promises of doing dirty things to his man bits, but let’s be honest, that’s not exactly the worst thing in the world.  It’s all about influencing and negotiating, right?  RIGHT!

Now, who the hell wants to get out there and get me some coffee??

Check Out My New Purchase

24 Sep

Some women prefer to spend their money on shoes and handbags.  I prefer to buy a new vibrator

Who the hell needs a rabbit when they have what I now have in my possession?

Count Me Out

23 Sep

Watching television is a magical past time.  Especially when you have decided that you want to spend a romantic night with yourself eating your feelings and wondering why the last guy you dated was such a freaking douche bag.  So, on my last night in this hotel of mine, I find myself waiting to catch the next episode of Glee.

Here’s the problem: there’s nothing good on.  This stupid ass hotel where I’m staying has a limited amount of channels, 3 of which are wasted on sports.  And I use the term “sports” loosely, because one of those channels is golf and who the hell is going to watch that stupid nonsense?

I have a perfectly good book sitting next to me, but it would require too much effort to lean over and pick it up.  Instead, I’m sitting here watching Numbers.  Have you ever watched it?  The show is retarded.  Really retarded.  The whole premise is that this super smart mathematician dude can help his FBI brother solve mysteries using mathematical theories.  Um…really?  Whose idea was this? 

Maybe I hate this show because math made me want to hurt myself in high school.

Or maybe I just hate it because the whole concept is exceptionally stupid.

Peen Pics!

22 Sep

Hurray!!  Finally, AT&T has gotten their stupid act together and those of us with iPhones (who are far superior to those of you without – there, I said it), will be able to send picture messages via text.

In case you were unaware of this fact, I’d like to tell you that AT&T sucks dog balls.  In fact, so does Comcast.  Actually, I would venture to say that AT&T is the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) of the communication industry, while Comcast is the DMV of cable companies.

That’s how badly they both suck.

But who cares?  The important part is that now all my imaginary boyfriends will be able to send me dirty pictures of their manbits!  HURRAY!