Perhaps Whoring isn’t so Whorrible

21 Aug

Maybe we have it all wrong.  Maybe being a hooker really is everything it’s cracked up to be.  I mean sure, you’ve got to handle all sorts of dicks and probably nasty sweaty dudes that smell like cheese, but still.  I’m thinking that there are probably some major advantages to making cash the old fashioned way.

  1. You make your own hours.  No more 40 hour work weeks.  Instead, you can just do some freaky deaky 7 Diamond Hooker things and make the big bucks.
  2. You don’t have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn on a Monday morning and hope the coffee in the pantry was made on Friday.  It’s possible that you might be sucking on a wiener that hasn’t been washed since Friday, but you don’t necessarily have to do that first thing Monday morning.
  3. You don’t have to be trapped in a cubicle.  Taking it in your backside in the alley behind the Safeway ensures that you get plenty of air.
  4. There’s no need to dress in business casual.  All you need are platform heels, hot pants and a tube top.  That’s gotta be more comfortable than pantyhose in the middle of August.

Sounds like I might need to put my 2 week’s notice in…

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9 Responses to “Perhaps Whoring isn’t so Whorrible”

  1. Melody August 21, 2009 at 4:02 pm #

    Thought it was just a gimmicky title, but it drew me in, how funny to find out you were serious!!!

    Of course I’m serious! I think they might actually have it made, while I’m responding to this comment in a cubicle with no windows and these pantyhouse are riding up to places they do not belong. -CS

  2. Evenrant August 21, 2009 at 4:18 pm #

    Don’t forget – it is also an all cash business!

    And you’re paid under the table.

    Sometimes, literally. -CS

  3. jon August 21, 2009 at 5:16 pm #

    I thought about putting in my two weeks notice once, but didn’t. As I recall, I did not have the balls to go thru with the $12 Lasik surgery either.

  4. Dani August 21, 2009 at 8:29 pm #

    you lost me at number 2…gross!

  5. emily August 21, 2009 at 8:57 pm #

    I watched a few episodes of The Cathouse and it put me completely off sex for like a full hour. So awful.

  6. Christine Staley August 22, 2009 at 12:55 am #

    I love it – sounds like the perfect exit strategy from working and living a life of misery in the cube farm! I may have to look into this line of employment myself!

  7. thatgirl August 22, 2009 at 1:07 pm #

    my only issue is the medical benefits

  8. BeckEye August 24, 2009 at 12:54 am #

    When I was younger, after having seen a bunch of movies about hookers (“Angel” and “Night Shift” come to mind…oh, and “Avenging Angel”), I thought that it probably wasn’t so bad because it seemed like hookers were really tight-knit groups and I thought it would be awesome to have really great friends like that who are always looking out for you. I was a ridiculous child who, strangely enough, never became a hooker.

  9. Dani August 25, 2009 at 9:04 pm #

    BeckEye – I felt the same way about being in a gang. Actually, I still might feel that way.

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