Sometimes Sex Jokes Are Not Funny

20 Aug

You know all about my affinity for twss jokes.  They’re hilarious and appropriate for any occasion: birthdays, anniversaries, meetings, funerals, etc.  I even enjoy them in front of my mom because they fly right over her head.  Half the time she asks, “Who said that?”  This makes them even funnier.

What’s not so funny is when she actually does get the jokes.  Or when I have to explain them.

Last night my mom came over to watch the George Lopez HBO special.  We all find him amusing because we’re Mexican and half of his jokes can only be understood by Mexicans.  It’s comedy.  He has this great shtick about how Mexican mothers hate wasting money on hot dog buns.  Instead they just give you a piece of white bread and tell you to put the hot dog in it because “bread is bread”.  My sister and I find this hilarious because it’s EXACTLY what happened to us when we were growing up.  Thanks, mom.

Anyway, we were sitting there watching the show last night and my mom was laughing so hard that I thought she might hurt herself.  At one point, she even farted (horrifying, seriously) – I thought that it couldn’t get worse than that.  That’s when George Lopez decided to kick things up a notch and introduce the raunchy stuff.

It was pretty uncomfortable when he started up with the vibrator jokes.  Even worse when my mom asked, “What is he talking about?”  But this was NOTHING compared to when he started talking about 69ing.  “What is a 69?” my mother asked me.  I think a tear actually rolled down my cheek during my explanation to her.  Then he went on and on about it and was pretending like someone was sitting on top of him and he had vag on his face.  “I don’t get it.  What’s supposed to be happening?”  Christ almighty, it was horrifying trying to explain the position to her. 

Let this be a warning to you: never watch George Lopez with your mother.  You’ll either have to explain sexual positions to her OR be horrified to learn that she knows exactly what he’s talking about because she used to do them with good old pop.

Ugh, I think I might throw up my lunch now.

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10 Responses to “Sometimes Sex Jokes Are Not Funny”

  1. Just Sayin'... August 20, 2009 at 2:57 pm #

    “they just give you a piece of white bread and tell you to put the hot dog in it” THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

  2. jon August 20, 2009 at 3:49 pm #

    What’s the square root of 69?
    Ate something.

  3. jon August 20, 2009 at 4:00 pm #

    Mom: “What’s up? I don’t get it.”
    CS: “TWSS”

  4. Del-V August 20, 2009 at 4:17 pm #

    My mom doesn’t get good jokes either. She thinks the radio shows on NPR are funny. Nothing on NPR is funny. My mom is so un-funny I think I must have been adopted. It’s the only explanation.

  5. maria August 20, 2009 at 4:37 pm #

    I died laughing at the bread thing. My mom is as white as casper the ghost as am I but she always always did that!!! I can smypathize watching George Lopez with mom, My dad used to watch George Carliln with me and then to make it worse one time we went out to eat it was me my dad my mom and one of my brothers and we heard this loud noise ( someone dropped dishes) and my dad says one of Carlin’s bits as loud as he can ” That was not one of my farts, maybe the dog farted.” We all wanted to crawl under the table and everyone around us was just dying with laughter. Parents.. maybe we should lock them in their rooms?

  6. Bored Housewife August 21, 2009 at 2:09 am #

    I have also had to explain 69 to my mother, over nachos, and it is one of my favorite stories about her. I think her only impression was that the moniker was clever.

  7. Mimi August 21, 2009 at 9:03 am #

    Bahaha reminds me of when I was around ten or so when chat rooms were popular on the internet some guy told me to go ask my parents what 69 meant. I had no clue so I did and man did I get in trouble. Horrifying to think I actually asked them and horrifying they knew. They didn’t tell me but I found out some years later lol.

  8. Hookdntx August 21, 2009 at 11:50 am #

    Want to know whats un funnier? Having your grad dad forget who he is talking to and start discussing relations with your grandmother… True story so I feel your plan.

  9. BeckEye August 21, 2009 at 3:59 pm #

    That’s hilarious.

    And okay, Jon’s punchline to that joke totally makes sense. Some guy told me that one in junior high, and he was a guy I kind of had a crush on (grade above me, bad boy, your standard idiot) so I didn’t want him to think I didn’t get it. But he asked what the square root of 69 was and his punchline was “8 and then some.” And I was completely confused. He started getting all like “oooh you don’t know what 69 is,” and I was like, “I know what 69 is and I understand square roots, but that’s stupid and it doesn’t really make sense.” I think he forever thought I was a prude and I forever thought he was unfunny after that.

  10. gullybogan August 22, 2009 at 10:04 am #

    Bread is bread. Mums are right.

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