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Sometimes Sex Jokes Are Not Funny

20 Aug

You know all about my affinity for twss jokes.  They’re hilarious and appropriate for any occasion: birthdays, anniversaries, meetings, funerals, etc.  I even enjoy them in front of my mom because they fly right over her head.  Half the time she asks, “Who said that?”  This makes them even funnier.

What’s not so funny is when she actually does get the jokes.  Or when I have to explain them.

Last night my mom came over to watch the George Lopez HBO special.  We all find him amusing because we’re Mexican and half of his jokes can only be understood by Mexicans.  It’s comedy.  He has this great shtick about how Mexican mothers hate wasting money on hot dog buns.  Instead they just give you a piece of white bread and tell you to put the hot dog in it because “bread is bread”.  My sister and I find this hilarious because it’s EXACTLY what happened to us when we were growing up.  Thanks, mom.

Anyway, we were sitting there watching the show last night and my mom was laughing so hard that I thought she might hurt herself.  At one point, she even farted (horrifying, seriously) – I thought that it couldn’t get worse than that.  That’s when George Lopez decided to kick things up a notch and introduce the raunchy stuff.

It was pretty uncomfortable when he started up with the vibrator jokes.  Even worse when my mom asked, “What is he talking about?”  But this was NOTHING compared to when he started talking about 69ing.  “What is a 69?” my mother asked me.  I think a tear actually rolled down my cheek during my explanation to her.  Then he went on and on about it and was pretending like someone was sitting on top of him and he had vag on his face.  “I don’t get it.  What’s supposed to be happening?”  Christ almighty, it was horrifying trying to explain the position to her. 

Let this be a warning to you: never watch George Lopez with your mother.  You’ll either have to explain sexual positions to her OR be horrified to learn that she knows exactly what he’s talking about because she used to do them with good old pop.

Ugh, I think I might throw up my lunch now.