Archive | 2:31 pm

Fun with Foxy

17 Aug

This afternoon Foxy is off at the doctor’s office doing whatever kind of things doctors want you to do when you’re pregnant.  Before she drove off to throw her legs into stirrups and get finger banged by the doctor, she and I decided to have a little lunch.  We typically drive in the same car when we go to lunch together, but since she had an appointment afterwards, she ended up following me to the place.

People, I’m here to inform you that Foxy is the slowest driver on the face of this earth.  You may think to yourself, “No, Catherinette, my aunt Gladys/uncle Harold is the slowest driver on this earth.”  You are wrong.  In a drag race, your aunt Gladys/uncle Harold could easily beat Foxy.  All they would need to do is exceed 25 miles per hour and she’d be sucking their dust.  Seriously.  WTF.  Foxy, kick it up a notch.  I don’t care if your motto is “arrive alive”, mine is “arrive today.”  Let’s go.

So she’s getting her lab work done and she starts text messaging me:

  • Foxy: A bunch of ur people r here at the lab.  They r here for pee tests and they all have do rags.
  • Me: Are they standing around holding tacos?
  • Foxy: No, I was wondering about that.  Now another dude is here for a d test.  I think he will fail.
  • Me: What if the test was for the clap?  Would he pass?
  • Foxy: Not sure.  Does having the clap make you smell like a bong?
  • Me: Let me ask Claude.  I’ll get back to you.

More Magical Than Harry Potter and Dumbledore Combined

17 Aug

Yeah, I know that I’m a tool for coming up with that title – but it’s the truth.

You all know how much I hate doing lawn work.  With 3D out of the picture, the lawn mower not working, and my lawn guy having disappeared my house suddenly became THAT house on the block.  The one that all the neighbors hated.  The one that they all talked about because it looked like I was trying to build a tropical jungle in the back.  My dog died on May 22, I hadn’t stepped into the backyard since then – no one had.  You can imagine what the grass and weeds looked like.

I had some friends over a few weeks ago and Foxy almost went into early labor when she saw the state of the weeds in the front yard.  She kept threatening to come over and force me (with violence) to weed with her.

Last week, as I was looking out the window while doing dishes, it occurred to me that I would never be able to sell my house or have anyone over if it wasn’t taken care of.  That was it – time to hire someone to save the yard from me.  I started getting estimates for having someone take care of the lawn and pull some of the weekends.  What a freaking chore.

Enter Maryland Lawn Services

We met on Thursday, he said he’d be buy Saturday morning.  I was dog sitting Nipples (my sister’s dog) and told him I’d be by around 11ish to pay him.  I expected to pull up to see the lawn mowed and not much else.  In 4 hours, he and his helpers had completely transformed the yard!!  Now I live in the house with the yard that EVERYONE wants to own.

Seriously, these guys are magicians. I  so wish that I had taken before pictures so you guys could see the magic that they performed.  It’s UNBELIEVABLE.  Unbelievable.  They have a client for life now.

You know that I spend most of my time bitching and complaining, but this time I’m sending out props to a business that totally deserves it.  In fact, you should all move to Maryland so they can take care of your yards too.

Maryland Lawn Services
443-341-6389

Call them, you will NOT be sorry.