It’s Like a Burst of Ocean (or Vagina) In Your Mouth

10 Aug

With a description like that, we should have stayed away from it, but we did not.  And we somehow managed to live to regret it – just barely.

Saturday I took a trip to Philly to hang out with Boom Boom and family.  The day was magical.  We went to lunch together where her husband, Depeche Mode, and I sat next to one another and shared our entrees.  Really romantic.  The only thing that ruined the romance was Boom Boom shooting us the evil eye from across the room.  So wrong on far too many levels.

That night we had a girls’ night and drove into the city.  We met up with South Philly Fashionistaand their Mary friend who they hadn’t met an ages.  SPF lives in South Philly (shocking, I know) and knew of a trendy new sushi restaurant that had just opened.  Being the trendy bitches that we are, we knew that was the place to be.  We popped SPF’s sushi cherry, and decided that it would be a good idea to try something new: sea urchin.

Christ almighty, it should have come with a fucking warning label.

The waitress described it as “a burst of ocean in your mouth.”  We figured it would be harmless and gave it a shot.  Let this be a lesson to you: sea urchin is disgusting.  Here’s what it’s really like:

Have you ever looked at a slug? I mean really lookedat it?  Those nasty buggers are slimy as sin.  You know how sometimes you get a really bad hacking cough and you spit up a major loogie?  And you know how if you go to the beach sometimes you get knocked down by a wave and accidentally gulp down a bunch of sea water?  Well, now I want you to marry the look of the slug, the taste of the snot and the sea water.  That, my dears, is what the sea urchin tastes like.

When we left the restaurant I announced that I was glad that I wasn’t a straight man or a lesbian because that’s exactly what I imagined that eating sea urchin was similar to eating vagina.

Only, hopefully, less salty.

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16 Responses to “It’s Like a Burst of Ocean (or Vagina) In Your Mouth”

  1. Big Mary August 10, 2009 at 8:41 pm #

    Oh, it wasn’t that bad! Okay…. maybe it was. I’m so glad I’m not a straight man or lesbian either. How do they do it? Maybe some soy sauce and wasabi would help there too…

    It boggles the mind. Not that I’m telling them they shouldn’t do it, because they should – just as long as I don’t have to. And I don’t want soy sauce or wasabi anywhere around Vageena Davis. -CS

  2. Mike August 10, 2009 at 8:56 pm #

    You can’t eat it by itself. Have it with some roe and a quail’s egg. Yummy!!!

    Wait. Are you referring to the sea urchin or the vag? -CS

  3. Valerie August 10, 2009 at 9:41 pm #

    I’ve had it before (talking about the urchin) and it wasn’t nasty, but a little strange feeling. Which, come to think of it is exactly my sentiment on eating pussy.

    I’ll just pass and take your word for it. -CS

  4. Some Guy August 10, 2009 at 10:54 pm #

    I agree 100% with your assessment, CS. I tried one because somebody told us they had hallucinogenic effects which was total bullshit.

    • South Philly Fashionista August 11, 2009 at 4:07 pm #

      Hmm, maybe I wasn’t really tasting it the next day, I was just hallucinating that I was.

  5. Del-V August 11, 2009 at 8:38 am #

    Totally changing the subject here – Rumor has it there is a sushi chef in a well respected sushi restaurant in Baltimore with two thumbs!

  6. Dora August 11, 2009 at 8:54 am #

    Aren’t oysters like that too??? I see people including my 20 year old son, slurping them and its sooooo gross (turning into a 15 year old here)

  7. mommasunshine August 11, 2009 at 9:45 am #

    Um….ew.

  8. Boom August 11, 2009 at 10:06 am #

    Personally, I loved the snot that we paid $30 for. Had a good “nautical goo” taste going down. Big Mary must of been harnessing his inner straight dude, ’cause he practially ate the whole darn thing!

    • Big Mary August 11, 2009 at 10:40 am #

      You have no idea how happy that would make my father… I wasn’t about to send $30 snot back for them to throw out! Maybe it’ll give me a shiny coat or something.

  9. The Peach Tart August 11, 2009 at 3:22 pm #

    Personally I love it.

  10. Wynn August 11, 2009 at 8:10 pm #

    I’m totally (TOTALLY) gonna convince myself that I taste better than snotty snail seawater. Hmm..

  11. Dani August 11, 2009 at 9:50 pm #

    Great! Now you’ve ruined snots for me.

  12. francisca August 13, 2009 at 1:23 am #

    hi thanks for share,i always came to visit ur Blog:)

  13. Jenn Kosar March 12, 2017 at 8:40 pm #

    Hysterical and so true. I feel like I have to give up my foodie badge because I just HATE the stuff. I even taste it in the back of my throats when I think about it. Thank you for your honest discussion. I feel like I am not alone now.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. South Philly Sushi Experience | southphillyfashionista.com - August 12, 2009

    […] the sea urchin, which was, she said, “like a burst of ocean in your mouth.” I will let Catherinette take the description of the sea urchin experience from here because I couldn’t hope to do any […]

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