Archive | 7:53 pm

It’s Like a Burst of Ocean (or Vagina) In Your Mouth

10 Aug

With a description like that, we should have stayed away from it, but we did not.  And we somehow managed to live to regret it – just barely.

Saturday I took a trip to Philly to hang out with Boom Boom and family.  The day was magical.  We went to lunch together where her husband, Depeche Mode, and I sat next to one another and shared our entrees.  Really romantic.  The only thing that ruined the romance was Boom Boom shooting us the evil eye from across the room.  So wrong on far too many levels.

That night we had a girls’ night and drove into the city.  We met up with South Philly Fashionistaand their Mary friend who they hadn’t met an ages.  SPF lives in South Philly (shocking, I know) and knew of a trendy new sushi restaurant that had just opened.  Being the trendy bitches that we are, we knew that was the place to be.  We popped SPF’s sushi cherry, and decided that it would be a good idea to try something new: sea urchin.

Christ almighty, it should have come with a fucking warning label.

The waitress described it as “a burst of ocean in your mouth.”  We figured it would be harmless and gave it a shot.  Let this be a lesson to you: sea urchin is disgusting.  Here’s what it’s really like:

Have you ever looked at a slug? I mean really lookedat it?  Those nasty buggers are slimy as sin.  You know how sometimes you get a really bad hacking cough and you spit up a major loogie?  And you know how if you go to the beach sometimes you get knocked down by a wave and accidentally gulp down a bunch of sea water?  Well, now I want you to marry the look of the slug, the taste of the snot and the sea water.  That, my dears, is what the sea urchin tastes like.

When we left the restaurant I announced that I was glad that I wasn’t a straight man or a lesbian because that’s exactly what I imagined that eating sea urchin was similar to eating vagina.

Only, hopefully, less salty.