Archive | 3:21 pm

Why I’m Going to Kill Claude

28 Jul

In a little over 40 days, it will have been a year since I had my hands on a peen.  [Go ahead and take a moment to weep for me.]

MEANWHILE, Claude has been whoring his way through the streets of DC, Toronto, and just about anywhere else he takes his naked self.  “Meatings” in the mens room, back alleys, fancy encounters at 5 star hotels, even the local rest stops.  Claude doesn’t discriminate, if there’s a honeypot in need, he is there to the rescue!!

We often joke about resetting his peen counter.  Usually it’s about how tragic it must be for him since 3 or 4 days might pass before he is playing Winnie the Pooh climbing a tree trying to get the honey from the honeypot.  Well, that all changed today when he sent me this message:

It has been two hours since I last saw a peen or honey pot.  Just an FYI.

Damn you, Claude.  Damn you straight to honeypot hell.  I hope the next one you find is covered in ants!!

Just the Tip Tuesday (07/28/09)

28 Jul

I have lusted after him since he was in “Steel Magnolias”.  I tuned in for every single episode of “The Practice” – even after he got married to that freaking skank on the show.  God, she sucked.  Then the show ended, and I could not longer get my fix of his hot hotness.

You can imagine my delight when I started seeing the trailers for TBS’s “Dark Blue.”  There he was!  All hot and scruffy and clearly wanting me even more than he did when he was all young and proper on “The Practice”.

Oh, Dylan McDermott, why won’t you return my phone calls?