They Really Do Have Everything at Target

24 Jul

There are 46 days until that blasted peen counter hits the one year mark.  46 freaking days.  That, my friends, is a sad, sad state of affairs.  In the enter 100+ days since I last had my hands on a man’s junk, there’s only been one kiss.  And that was a horrible kiss with Smoke Stack.  It’s experiences like this that drive people to drink, throw themselves down elevator shafts, or buy cats.

There was a chance for resetting the counter over the weekend.  Sadly, I was with the cock blocking duo: my sister and Jewcy Bits.   If only those 2 of them joined forces and toured the country, they’d be able to decrease the rates of teen pregnancy just by hanging out with those kids.  There would be no one having sex.  No one.   Those whores are worse than a bunch of freaking Herpes sores.

Things have gotten so bad, that I’m thinking about taking a trip to the local Target in hopes of being molested by a random shopper.  Oh yeah, they’re offering that service too.  Did you hear about this? 

According to news reports, some random dude was asking women to try on shoes and then started rubbing up on them.  Apparently, he would walk up to women in parts of the store, tell them that he was buying a pair of shoes for his wife, and asked them to try on the shoes to see if they were comfortable.  The women, being fools, would fall for this, and then next thing you know, he’s licking their leg.

The guy hasn’t been caught yet…which means there’s still a chance for me to get my leg licked.

Off to Target!

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11 Responses to “They Really Do Have Everything at Target”

  1. evenrant July 24, 2009 at 11:50 am #

    I have never got the foot fetish thing – feet are gross people!

    I don’t get it either. I’ll have to tell you about the phone call I got sometime… -CS

  2. Red July 24, 2009 at 1:04 pm #

    Good luck with that, CS!

    You know I’ll keep you posted. -CS

  3. Aritza, Goddess of .. July 24, 2009 at 1:46 pm #

    Sounds like you need some new faces to hang out with.. anyhow, don’t give up the all important peen quest !

    I will never give up! Not ever! -CS

  4. Philly July 24, 2009 at 1:59 pm #

    Wishing you the best!!

    Fingers crossed that I find the dude. -CS

  5. Mimi July 24, 2009 at 4:49 pm #

    Boo for cockblocking. That is just unacceptable. It’s time to reset the peen counter!!

  6. jon July 24, 2009 at 4:56 pm #

    Ok, it’s starting to make more sense. The Clackamas Target is located in Happy Valley, Oregon. And Happy Valley can be found in the shoe department, some where between the cankel and the love handles.

  7. Katie July 24, 2009 at 5:57 pm #

    My dad LOVES going to Target…since he’s newly single and bought a house, he’s been going to “shop” a couple of times a week…OR is he the foot fetish man. I REALLY REALLY hope not.

  8. Wynn July 24, 2009 at 6:51 pm #

    Just use protection. Who knows, apart from everyone and the newspapers, where that tongue has been?!

  9. Jewcy Bits July 24, 2009 at 8:05 pm #

    You’re welcome.

    I was afraid of what that poor boy could pick up from a street walker like yourself. And just so we’re all clear that peen counter is a lie unless people paying for your skills suddenly doesn’t count.

    HEYO!

  10. BeckEye July 26, 2009 at 12:46 am #

    People are so weird. There was a guy in Pittsburgh several years ago, going around downtown and stepping on the backs of womens’ shoes, so that when they stepped out of them (“losing” their shoe), he would get down on the ground and start sniffing their shoes. I wonder how many shoe stores that guy got hired and fired from?

  11. SPF July 28, 2009 at 5:08 pm #

    You need to pay your Philly friends a visit. We have a subway groper on the subways down here. You could get lucky and see a peen on your way to work.

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