Archive | 10:55 am

They Really Do Have Everything at Target

24 Jul

There are 46 days until that blasted peen counter hits the one year mark.  46 freaking days.  That, my friends, is a sad, sad state of affairs.  In the enter 100+ days since I last had my hands on a man’s junk, there’s only been one kiss.  And that was a horrible kiss with Smoke Stack.  It’s experiences like this that drive people to drink, throw themselves down elevator shafts, or buy cats.

There was a chance for resetting the counter over the weekend.  Sadly, I was with the cock blocking duo: my sister and Jewcy Bits.   If only those 2 of them joined forces and toured the country, they’d be able to decrease the rates of teen pregnancy just by hanging out with those kids.  There would be no one having sex.  No one.   Those whores are worse than a bunch of freaking Herpes sores.

Things have gotten so bad, that I’m thinking about taking a trip to the local Target in hopes of being molested by a random shopper.  Oh yeah, they’re offering that service too.  Did you hear about this? 

According to news reports, some random dude was asking women to try on shoes and then started rubbing up on them.  Apparently, he would walk up to women in parts of the store, tell them that he was buying a pair of shoes for his wife, and asked them to try on the shoes to see if they were comfortable.  The women, being fools, would fall for this, and then next thing you know, he’s licking their leg.

The guy hasn’t been caught yet…which means there’s still a chance for me to get my leg licked.

Off to Target!