Archive | 12:31 pm

By Invitation Only

6 Jul

Oh my God!!  I’m so freaking excited right now.  Any minute now, I will be sending out invitations to my very own Nintendo Girlfriend’s Guide to Gaming party!!

So it goes like this…

The place is selected and set up like all fancy shmancy (imagine if Nintendo were a girl, it’s just how she would decorate her apartment) and there are different gaming stations.  All we have my ladies and I have to do is show up!! Then we just sit around, drinking and playing video games.

How you say…”KICK ASS!!”

As it turns out, I might just have a few spots available for ladies in the Baltimore-DC Metro area…


Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat?

6 Jul

If you ever have to ask that question, 9 times out of 10 whatever it is you’re wearing probably does.  As a grown up, you should have an idea as to what looks good on you, and what doesn’t.  If you’re staring in the mirror and you see a roll of fat staring back at you, then I guarantee that everyone else will see it too.  Trust me on this.

If anyone ever asks you that question, you’re better off telling the truth than making your friend/significant other looking like a beached whale.  Dudes, please note that this could lead to a nookie-less night.

Last week I posed some questions.  Most of you that replied said that you wanted to hear the truth if something you are wearing something that makes you look like a hippo, and that you will be honest if you’re asked for your opinion.  Sometimes, it can be hard to tell the truth if someone asks you how they look.  You might not want to hurt their feelings, so you tell them it looks okay.  Only this is actually a worse idea than just saying that it’s not very flattering.

Case in point: my mother.

Last week while we were on vacation, we found ourselves doing some shopping.  I know, shocking.  Women on vacation shopping – totally unheard of.  While I was in the dressing room trying on a cute little skirt, my sister was busy trying on some tops.  I didn’t see them on her, but I heard her ask my mother what she thought and my mom saying she thought they were nice.

Later that night, my sister and her husband had plans to go out for dinner and left Baltimore’s Biggest Brats  with us (another story for another day).  She walked into the TV room wearing one of her new shirts and all I could think was, “holy fat roll!”  The shirt she was wearing was at least one size too small, had horizontal stripes (which we all know makes one look fatter), and clung to every wobbly bit that she had.

“Your shirt is too tight,” I told her.  “Mom said it looked nice,” she replied.  “It is nice, it’s just a little snug and clinging to your muffin top.  Give it a stretch.”  She spent the next 5 minutes tugging at the damned thing trying to stretch out the material so it didn’t cling all over her. 

When she left, I confronted my mother and asked her why on earth she would have let my sister buy something so horrible.  “She should have nice things,” was her response.  Hey, I agree that it’s nice to have nice things and to buy things that make you look good.  I do not believe, however, that one should buy nice things that make you look terrible.  I tried to explain to her that she wasn’t doing any favors by encouraging my sister to buy clothes that make her look bigger than she actually is.

If you find it hard to tell someone what they really think, than consider going with the approach that Sassy mentioned and say,

I don’t think it fits you right about the [insert body part here].  

You’re never doing anyone any favors when you tell them that they look good when they look dumpy, slutty, or fat.  Unless that’s the look you’re going for.