A Special Message to Dad on Fathers Day: Suck It

21 Jun

My father and I are not close.  Not even a little bit.  Long boring story short, he pretty much walked out on us when I was about 6.  His idea of maintaining a relationship with us involved taking us on vacation every once in awhile, a phone call about twice a year, and maybe (just maybe) a birthday card.  He’s kind of like that funny rich uncle who is fun to get together with, but who’s the last person that you’d call in a pinch. 

He’s married to this witch of a woman whom my sister and I cannot stand.  Having to listen to her talk is like listening to nails on a chalkboard.  It’s painful, so we avoid it at all costs.  Instead we exchange emails every once in awhile and consider that to be good enough.

And then Fathers’ Day comes along and ruins it all.  I had a super plan on how to avoid actually having to deal with him.  I called him using Sly Dial.  Genius!  If you don’t know about Sly Dial, you’re missing it out.  The free service will dial someone’s phone and shoot you straight to voicemail.  It’s gold.  Seriously.  So I sly dialed my dad and left him a message and told him how bummed out I was that I didn’t get to talk to him.

He called me back.  Damn it!  The whole point of the sly dial is so that I could avoid talking to him.  Boo!!

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9 Responses to “A Special Message to Dad on Fathers Day: Suck It”

  1. Chef Green June 21, 2009 at 9:26 pm #

    UGH! I’m always the last to know about everything. I’m going to sly-dial everyone now. Sorry your dad’s a douche, dear.

  2. uberfrau June 22, 2009 at 3:29 am #

    I wish I knew about that sly dial five months ago. I forgot to call my dad on fathers day. But is your stepmom an evangelical christian who cries over the fact that her daughter-who is younger than you-is still single?

  3. gullybogan June 22, 2009 at 4:01 am #

    How is it that parents remarry so stupidly? I mean, if they married our other parent, surely there’s something of us in their taste in partners? And yet, no. They always choose more worsely than they did even with our other (usu. horrific) parent.

  4. GypMom June 22, 2009 at 5:41 am #

    I can so relate! My father no longer has a relationship with his children — not because of a fight — but to keep things from getting complicated with his current wife and step-children. I don’t hear from him all year then around Christmas he wants us to get together for a family dinner. Last year he told a story about having 3 daughters… his wife started arguing with him that he didn’t have 3 daughters, then she look at me. She forgot to count me! Priceless.

  5. Del-V June 22, 2009 at 6:59 am #

    Thanks Cath for telling me about Sly Dial! How awesome. You know I’m going to use the hell out of this.

  6. acfabulous June 22, 2009 at 1:16 pm #

    I might marry you for introducing me to sly dial… I will have to hunt it down online and figure out how to use it. Amazing invention.

    Oh yea, and I think our dads are members of the same club… Mine has tried to turn around his dead beat ways and do good. I’m all, um, too little too late, I is all growd up pops and I don’t need parenting now, but thanks anyway!

  7. boostongal June 22, 2009 at 2:02 pm #

    love this Sly Dial thing… had no idea! I wish I had known when I was in my last job and didn’t want to talk to my bosses!

  8. Bob Dobalina June 22, 2009 at 4:43 pm #

    Why was I not told about Sly Dial before now?

    Oh and pretty funny/annoying about your dad.. but dayum, Sly Dial, I’m in lurve.

  9. Jen July 4, 2009 at 12:56 pm #

    I don’t care about this holiday at all, and never celebrated it, because my dad didn’t do jack, my mom did it all. I just call my mom on father’s day 🙂

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